Bonda Humaira

Hello (again) blogspot!

2010-01-01T13:20:00.002+08:00

Yeah. Multiply failed me.

After so many attempts of uploading photos and posts.

I gave up. And return to ol friend, Mr Blog.

Need a space to express and journal my experience as a bonda.

It has been truly wonderful, Alhamdulillah.

Will update more later.

Got to get ready for Kak Ina's housewarming invite.

See ya!

My mom's pesanan

2007-09-10T10:39:00.000+08:00

In the busy-ness of life, the constant conversations i've been having with my mom are "Mak, pergi dulu", "Mak, Salam", and some bickerings of EARLY morning.

So this entry is worth the keying in to remind me of the REAL conversation i had.

We were sitting at the dinner table early in the morning. I was preparing Faj's wedding card overnight, and my mom sat, watching me and my sleepy self. She talked about buying houses.

"Kalau beli rumah, jangan beli yang mahal-mahal. Jangan jadi hamba rumah. Mak beli rumah ni, mak save betul-betul sampai dah habis bayar. Senang hati tak ada hutang. Tak payah beli rumah besar. Kecik-kecik jer. Senang nak kemas. Duit lebih, save. Go travel. Look at Cik Mi, Cik Yah. Kak Mamas too. They travel. They see the world. Their perspectives are fresh. Their mind are open. Kat dunia ni kita sekejap jer. Kalau nak hias rumah cantik-cantik buat apa? You cant bring it anywhere"

and i nodded.

That's our version of EFFECTIVE communication after a looooooooong time.

*sob*

The travelers vein runs in the family.

Home... is a state of mind after all.

Home... is where the Birds are going too...

Home... is where our father Adam left years and years ago.

humaira

My Pinky Feet

2007-08-20T15:26:00.000+08:00

It has been a long time.

What have i been up to?

Plenty.

1. Tripod Camp 2007
2. Taiwan
3. Pangkor Island
4. Marriage and Partners
5. Our fight about a paper
6. How Princess Diana talks to me?
7. The Last Fire Work
8. The date with Yong

I'll begin from the last.

Ang Seng Yong's going off to Taiwan for a year. South Taiwan to be exact (Tainan, Nan means south --> i'm learning Mandarin, whee!!!) for a post in the army. So we met in a pub at the Esplanade.

Its kinda typical of Yong to introduce me to these places. We went to the Balcony beside Heeren for supper before. And he's already planning to bring me to another 'classy' pub, just to show me around (ceett! as if i'm a tourist). In a way i am. And i thank him for this opportunity. We talked about relationships, differences in culture, possible future inter-religious programmes in the nation in a so-called different environment.

Hey, i'm not planning to bring him to mosques in the name of 'cultural exchange', as he PRO-ACTIVELY has been doing so himself. Yong is a member of Young Sikh Association, and currently been active in Taoist Association. He has been involved in a number of inter-racial talks and a member of inter-religious circle (IRC). Consequently, mosque visiting is part of the job.

"Hey Yong! What drink do you recommend me?"
"You drink Orange juice lar"
"What are YOU drinking?"
"Red wine"
"hmmm... lemme try champaign"
"You crazy girl! You cant drink that lar! You're a Muslim!"

I smiled.

Yong is doing his bit of 'da'wah' to me.

"Joking lar! I'll try this chocolate thingy"
"Good choice!"
"Hey! They have root beer here!"

Lulu, a staff from the Taoist Association was there, accompanying Yong while waiting for me. She said

"But Root Beer got beer what? cannot right?"

Yong
"Silly girl! No alcohol lar!!"

Another point for Yong. He knows quite well about the jurispudence. I smiled again and nodded my head to affirm him.

We moved on talking about personal life and relationship issues, with a dash of religious perspectives in it. As Lulu is not so eloquent in English (Lulu's a Malaysian, studied in Taiwan, marrying a Hong Konger), Yong had to be the translator. A SULKING translator. We had fun!

To Yong, all the best in your posting! May you find beautiful South Taiwanese girl and bring her home. Or, May you find peace in whatever decision you choose (ahakz). And CUT DOWN ON THOSE STICKS!!

Till we meet again in the New Year Celebration.

Friendship built during Singapore-Malaysia Youth Camp 2005 (10th Contingent)

"And among His Signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth, and the difference of your language and colours. Verily, in that are indeed signs for men of sound knowledge" - Rum, 22

Feel Pain to Know Pain

2007-06-13T15:02:00.000+08:00

...And beneath the sky's oppressive dome
Wounds scar you, you draw nearer to your home;
Don't flinch from pain or search here for its cure.
Uncauterized your wounds must bleed; endure!

~Farid-Ud Din Attar
The Conference of the Birds

As i was taught suffering is blessing,
realistically, it was too hard believing
As i feel the pain, and see the wound,
i realise how much i've been through.
It's a trophy for all the strife
to remind me how i survived.

A trophy not for triumph per se
but a lesson that must be relayed
After the pain, so where's the blessing?
Is it just the discovery of my wound and crying?
Retribution? Revenge?Forgiveness?
Its enough to reflect that Allah remembers
Recall His love note for all of us
in verse two-eight-six of the female ox
He promises us, a balanced strengths and tests
to Him, are we to doubt and detest ?

What we learn is the colours
of pain, which differs
not only black, not only white
as a coin, that has two sides
Despite the form, we need to brave
the value pain brings for us as slaves
the pain of Joseph, Jonah and the rest
are too huge to compare to us brats

Allah... guide me well in my journey of pain and suffering.
Guide me well in my LACK of pain and suffering...
as tests are more rigourous
in those forms that are less obvious

Allah.. please help.

~ humaira
Pale Reflection of Pain
12th June 2007

A Reflection A Day... Makes a Hamba Awake

2007-06-12T15:01:00.000+08:00

A bird asks how long the journey is, and the hoopoe describes the seven valleys of the Way

Another bird said:'Hoopoe, you can find
the way from here, but we are almost blind -
the path seems full of terrors and despair.
Dear Hoopoe, how much further till we're there?'

'Before we reach our goal,' the hoopoe said,
'The journey's seven valleys lie ahead;
How far this is the world has never learned.
for no one who has gone there has returned -
Impatient bird, who would retrace this trail?

There is no messenger to tell the tale,
And they are lost to our concerns below -
How can men tell you what they do not know?

The first stage is the Valley of the Quest;
Then Love's wide valley is our second test;
the third is Insight into Mystery,
the fourth Detachment and Serenity -
the fifth is Unity; the sixth is Awe,
A deep Bewilderment unknown before,
the seventh Poverty and Nothingness -
and there you are suspended, motionless,
till you are drawn - the impulse is not yours -
a drop absorbed in seas that have no shores.

~ The Conference of the Birds,
Farid Ud Din Attar

I have yet to read further
the detailed explanation of hoopoe the traveller.
Come explore these places with me,
and together discover the wisdom of these valleys.

He is a sea; He asks of you one drop

2007-06-10T14:59:00.000+08:00

Shah Mahmoud, full of sorrow, went one night
To one who keeps the baths' huge fires alight;
The man made room among the ash and the grime
(Feeding the furnace-mouth from time to time),
Then brought the king some stale, unwholesome bread.
"When he knows who i am," Shah Mahmoud said,
"He'll beg to be allowed to keep his head!"

When, finally, the king prepared to go,
The poor man said: "i havent much to show-
You've seen my home and food (i brought the best;
You were rather unexpected guest);
But if in future you feel sorrow's pain
I hope you'll come and be my guest again.

If you weren't king you could be happy, sire;
I'm happy shovelling wood on this great fire -
So i'm not less than you or more, you see...
I'm nothing next to you, your majesty."

The king was so impressed that he returned,
And seven times saw how that furnace burned -
at last he said: "Stop stoking this great fire
And ask from me whatever you require"

"I am a beggar, lord," the man replied;
"And with a king all needs are satisfied"

Shah Mahmoud said: "Speak up, ask anything -
You can forget the furnace and be king!"

He said: "My hope is this, now and then
My king will visit me in this dark den -
The dust he treads on is a crown to me;
His presence here will be my monarchy.
Yours is the kingdom and the hand that gives,
but that's not how a bath attendant lives.
Better to sit with you in this foul place
Than reign in state and never see your face.
This spot has brought me luck, and i'd be wrong
To leave the furnace-mouth where i belong -
Besides, it's here i made friends with my king,
I wouldn't give this up for anything -
When you are here the bath-house shines anew;
What more could i desire from you than you?
May my perverse heart die if it should crave
Another fate than to remain your slave!
What's sovereignty to me? All i request
Is that from time to time you'll be my guest."

The bath attendant's love should teach you yours;
Learn from him all the loving heart endures -
And if this love has stirred in you, then cling
With passion to the garments of your king;
He too is moved; hold fast and do not stop -
He is a sea; He asks of you one drop

~ Farid Ud-Din Attar, Conference of the Birds

Nothing is nothing

2007-05-30T10:08:00.000+08:00

At the beginning of the centuries God used the mountains as nails to fix the Earth; and washed Earth's face with the water of Ocean. Then he placed Earth on the back of a bull, the bull on a fish, and the fish on the air. But on what rested the air? On nothing. But nothing is nothing. And seeing that His Essence alone exists it is certain there is nothing but Him. His throne is on the waters and the world is in the air. But leave the waters and the air, for all is God: the throne and the world are only a talisman. God is all, and things have only nominal value; the world is visible and the world invisible are only Himself.

But you must know God by Himself and not by you; it is He who opens the way that leads to Him, not human wisdom. The knowledge of Him is not at the door of rhetoricians. Knowledge and ignorance are here the same, for they cannot explain nor can they describe. The opinions of men on this arise only in their imagination; and it is absurd to try to deduce anything from what they say; whether ill or well, they have said it from themselves. God is above knowledge and beyond evidence, and nothing can give an idea of his Holy Majesty.

Consider those who have entered in the way of the Spirit. Look what has happened to Adam; see how many years he spent in mourning. Contemplate the deluge of Noah and all that patriach suffered at the hands of the wicked. Consider Abraham, who was full of love for God: he suffered tortures and was thrown into the fire. See the unfortunate Ishmael offered up in the way of divine love. Turn towards Jacob who became blind from weeping for his son. Look at Joseph, admirable in his power as in his slavery, in the pit and in prison. Remember the unhappy Job stretched on the earth a prey to worms and wolved. Think of Jonah who, having strayed from the Way, went from the moon to the belly of the fish. Follow Moses from his birth: a box served him for a cradle, and Pharaoh exalted him. Think of David, who made himself a breast-plate and whose sighs melted the iron like wax. Look at Solomon whose empire was mastered by the Jinn. Remember Zacharias, so ardent with the love of God that he kept silent when they killed him; and John the Baptist, despised before the people, whose head was put on a platter. Stand in wonder at Christ at the foot of the cross, when he saved himself from the hands of the Jews. And finally, ponder over all that the Chirf of the Prophets suffered from the insults and injuries of the wicked.

My friends! We are neighbours of one another: i wish to repeat my discourse to you day and night, so that you should not cease for a moment to long to set out in quest of Truth

~ Farid - ud - Din Attar ~
Conference of the Bird

~Conference of the Bird~

with hardship will always come ease

2007-05-10T13:07:00.000+08:00

The beautiful story of Yusuf has so much to fill our lives.
A lesson in forgiveness and brotherhood we cannot compromise.
The power of patience and the fire of hope, must burn in the hearts of the wise.
The beautiful story of Yusuf has so much to fill our lives.

He wiped tears from his cheek with the smile on his face,
brushed the hair back from his daughter’s eyes
and as she finished her lesson and closed her Qur’an, it was clear then to recognize,
Allah only tests those who are loved.
His little girl climbed up onto his knees.
The words of Allah are clear to the world, “With hardship will always come ease.”

humaira
So much to learn from Yusuf

Another one... no Two...

2007-04-19T15:07:00.000+08:00

Congratulations Sarah... for your new title, which you happily pronounced (or rather accepted) last Saturday, 14th April 2007. Mabruk my sahabah.... My do'a for you to be bestowed upon the strength to overcome new life phase with grace and patience. My love to you... always.

I cant help but to feel sad about not being there for Sarah on her special day. Dearest, hope you understand. When its my turn, i'll give you 2-months notice eh!

The idea of BEING the last one yet-to-be-married among my secondary school gal cliques starts creeping. I have friends' mothers making such analysis, friends realising it, and, of course, moi, knowing it all along. No, No... i shall not be swayed by the pressure. When its time, its time. I'm learning so much about life than to rush things... unless i'm sure as sure as it can get. I prefer mine to be...well done :)

Ok... i need to get back to work now. Will be fighting for time to spend on writing.

And oh! The Third Semester has commenced. Am in the crossroad of either continuing with the degree programme, or save money for masters @ ISTAC. I shall assess based on this semester.

Current 'Continuing-Degree' Decision Poll (based on the wisdom of others):
Ust Sukarti --> No
Mom --> Yes, but she said No after listening to Ust Sukarti's reasons
Brad --> No

Poll will end in June.
Anyone interested to join the poll, feel free to tag. Also state your reasons ya?

Humaira...
Still happily eating chocolate

Malcolm and Me

2007-02-17T11:19:00.000+08:00

"Mankind's history has proved from one era to another that the true criterion of leadership is spiritual. Men are attracted by spirit. By power, men are forced. Love is engendered by spirit. By power, anxieties are created" ~ Malcolm 'Malik Asshabbaz' X

Malcolm X was born Malcolm Little, to a homemaker mother and an activist father. A born leader, Malcolm was articulate and naturally gifted, capable of self learning, and excelling in any matter he put his mind into (except for boxing =P)

An excellent inspirational life story of a leader who went through a journey of his own self-discovery. From pimping in the neighbourhood, to becoming a convict, to being addicted to drugs, to be the minister for Nation of Islam, to finally discovering the True Islam when he performed his Hajj in 1964. It was the same year Malcolm severed ties with his mentor, Elijah Mohd.

"I had experienced, for the first time, the Muslim teaching, " If you will take one step towards Allah - Allah will take two steps toward you" ' ~Hajj Malik Assabbaz

"Awareness came surging up in me - how deeply the religion of Islam had reached down into the mud to lift me up, to save me from being what i inevitably would have been; a dead criminal in a grave, or, if still alive, a flint-hard, bitter, thirty-seven-year-old convict in some penitentiary, or insane asylum.

But Allah had blessed me to learn about the religion of Islam, which had enabled me to lift myself up from the muck and the mire of this rotting world" ~ Malcolm X

A Western man who questioned the Western lifestyle (Empowered by the Whites). Another great advice from Mr Malcolm:

"You see, Islam is the only religion that gives both husband and wife a true understanding of what love is. The Western "love" concept, you take it apart, it really is lust. But love is disposition, behaviour, attitude, thoughts, likes, dislikes - these things make a beautiful woman, a beautiful wife. This is the beauty that never fades. You find in your Western civilisation that when a man's wife's physical beauty fails, she loses her attraction. But Islam teaches us to look into the woman, and teaches her to look into us"

When you're soo busy with life and the responsibilities tasked on you, some inspiration does a whole lot of difference. And choc fondue too =D

High on Sugar
High on Life

Literally,
humaira

New Members of the Family

2007-02-06T00:12:00.000+08:00

Welcome my 2 new love of my life;

Spidey

Speedy

Not much different eh?

Its in the colour.

Little Spidey surprised us when she climbed up the cage. And little Speedy just cant get enough of the exercise wheel. She ran pretty fast too! These 4 months old hamsters are sooo smaaaallll!!!!!! Bought them from Vivo. After one day of MUCH thought =D

And Ja, i cant help but to 'snatch' that video from your blog to decorate mine. Its just soo irresistably cute. Kinda imagine if my Spidey n Speedy can sing, they'll sound like Tiger and Tanya of American Tail.... only that they're not mice, but hamsters (duhh!)

Humaira has Hamsters! (surprised?)
Humaira has Pets! (Surpriseddd??)

Thanks You Tube for the video
Thanks Mr Pumpkin for the excellent photos of the Hammies

Gri-di-ron gang???

2007-01-30T00:46:00.000+08:00

I had difficulty pronouncing that title.

Its Grid-iron gang.

Whatever it means.

Same effect as the local gang names; ------------- still blank. I'm such a sucker at recalling names. Especially gang names despite the personal 'gangster' tutorials i've been having with my youth clients. So sorry i let you guys down. I'll try to make notes the next time.

While watching and being inspired by the movie Gridiron Gang, i couldnt help but to identify other formulaic inspirational stories and their similarities, such as the Remember The Titans, Coach Carter and The Longest Yard.

The similarities are:
a) Delinquents change and become better through sports (Football and basketball)
b) Most delinquents are black
c) Inspiring coaches
d) Games are used to learn teamwork and positive social support network
e) Delinquents are boys

Allow me to focus on point E.

Ever wonder why there arent many inspiring bad-girl-turn-good-girl movies?

a) No example
b) Girls are supposed to be easier. Portraying them wont be dramatic enuff for movies
c) All girls are made of Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice. So no need rehab, just make them realise how sweet they are naturally.

I believe girls play a different game of life than boys. Theirs are described as psychological games, which requires more emotional and intimate relationship. Honestly, i dun haf much success story to share and to reinforce my existing hypothesis. Engaging girls, are TOUGHER.

I also believe this is the consequence of the game played by the society; the girls-are-supposed-to-be-nice-and-we-have-to-pay-MORE-attention-to-the boys game. We are constantly surprised by the horrible things that girls commit, and we also secretly EXPECT or even ANTICIPATE the boys to behave worst. With this, we have 1001 strategies to address the boys, but less than 10 models of intervention for the girls.

How do we then, inspire the girls?

If we can satisfy the boys' testosterone via sports, hence increasing their perception of self-worth, what can we do on the girls to boost their, errmm... female hormones? Get DELICIOUS looking coach to be their role models?

I also wonder if the same model of intervention is applicable on the girls too. What should be the approach? coach to player r.ship? gerlfren to gerlfren? kakak to adik?

I think, the underlying formula that affect change in the lives of these youths are not merely the sports, the games, the trophy, etc. Its not about igniting the hormones either. Those are the initial attraction, i agree. But what makes them stay, and listen, and DECIDE to take charge of their life, is the powerful relationship they have with their coaches. They stay because of their coaches BELIEF in them more than they could imagine they can. It is the POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP formed by at least ONE adult in a young person's life.

America has Coach Carter, Coach Herman Boone (Remember the Titans) and Mr Sean Potter (Gridiron Gang). These are the real (or reflection of) people who believe in the youths' potential to be good and to be positive in life.

Who's going to believe in Singaporean Youths?

You dun need to be a coach, teacher, probation officer.

You just haf to BELIEVE.

And aspire to SEE change.

Put a full stop to juvenile crimes.

Come on people! Let us be big brother and big sister to the little ones.

Mentor! (hadza fi'il amr ya'ni)

humaira
inspired.

Its about the ummah. Its ALL about Him.

A Life is but a Play?

2007-01-26T19:01:00.000+08:00

Kama Qal Shakespeare (translation: as mentioned by Shakespeare. Not in his own words though)

And agreed by Eric Burne, the psychologists who brought us the book "Games People Play", introducing the phenomenal Transactional Analysis.

Communication is a transaction between individuals.

I talk to you with the words i say (the content) and with the niyyah (motivation/intention) i have.

And i hope to be transacted in a certain manner i expect you to respond.

Example,
Humaira: What is your name?
Jude Law: My name is Jude. I like you.
Humaira: I like you too.

See? Transactional.

Eric also mentioned that each individual has 3 ego states.

Ego 1: Parent
This ego name parent is typical of the parent character we know. Bossy, naggy and directive. We ALL have that in us.

Ego 2: Adult
This ego loves facts. Such as the above example. Humaira asks Jude a question using adult ego and hope to get an adult-ego-ed answer too. Adult ego also loves rational and logic. Very straight forward.

Ego 3: Child
The lovable ego, externalising the child in us (duh!). This ego loves to be cuddled, very good in coaxing, crying and whining.

Dun judge yourselves now. No No! ALL of you have ALL of these. Its a matter of how, when and to who you exhibit these ego to.

"The ultimate goal of transactional analysis is the analysis of scripts, since the scripts determine the destiny and identity of the individual"

How apt. My mom used to say, what we say is a do'a. What we say can oftentimes be who we are. So, words such as 'stupid', 'bodoh', 'giler', 'silly', 'kurang ajar' or even 'syaitan', are banned in my household. To the extent when mom needs to say it as a form of educating or teaching us a lesson, she will S-P-E-L-L it out. And she is sooo consistent of this rule, she even does it to our cousins and those kids who come to our house for ngaji classes. My house became a spelling bee for bad words.

My mom was right. Wat we say, becomes the value of who we are eventually. It becomes the central theme of the game we play in our life. By saying 'I'm stupid', you're already playing The Stupid game, even when you dun realise it. I like to say, i'm not smart, but just lucky. So, i play that game in my life. I found myself not being able to control my life, as i depend on luck for things to go smooth. And it is reinforced by the successes i had and i attribute it to luck. This further reinforcing that i'm not smart too.

But how do we come up with such scripts? How do we know to say those words?

EXPERIENCE taught us that, and without proper reflection, we began to make decision that those experience DEFINE us (it becomes a psychological position). And this decision is further reinforced by us saying out the script.

How did i come out with 'I'm not smart but lucky' script?

As i grow up, smart is defined as those in the top 3 position in class. I'm always the fourth. And i began to like the fifth. And as i got higher, i began to sit in 'bigger' number that describes my position in class. Life in Alsagoff was competitive. Dun trust me? Ask any other Alsagoffians. We are competitive by nature, reinforced by the environment. Those who arent, drop out. Or 'stay back' (translation: being retained in the same level twice or thrice).

I thought i'm lucky and not smart because, i had teachers who perhaps, forgot to stroke me that i deserve the position i got. Or mom who forgot not to say "How does this other student fare? Is she better than you?". I once heard she said I'm lucky to be given good grades, good enough to advance to higher level. I'm LUCKY i have a dad who pat me in the back and said "I like that number. I dun understand what you're learning, but i know you put in LOTS of effort into it. And i appreciate you for that. Let's celebrate!" I hold on to that. Dearly.

LUCKY i read this book and realise this (note my personal script. I used the word lucky). I also realised that, luck aside, i am in control of making the decision to take control of my life, rather than attributing it to just luck. I'm capable of making decision about my life, and i also acknowledge that taqdeer, plays ultimate role in the outcome of my life. I decide the process of getting to the outcome.

"Transactional analysis is a tool you can use to know yourself, to know how you relate to others, and to discover the dramatic course your life is taking. The unit of personality structure is the ego state. By becoming aware of your ego states, you can distinguish between your various sources of thoughts, feelings and behaviour patterns. You can discover where there is discord and where there is agreement within your own personality. You can become more aware of the options available to you"

Indeed. When we talk about communication, we always think of the dynamic between us and the other person. WE communicate with OURSELVES too. And often times, these communication patterns are often forgotten. How can we develop effective comm with others when we dont develop one with our own selves?

I read this book as a preparation for my child management cases this Saturday. I hope to find messages and 'tips' to 'teach' parents on how to COMMUNICATE with their children.

Instead, i found the different characters in me (My child - teary ego talking to YOUR adult ego)

My message to parents: Discover the games you play with your children. And WHY you play such games.
Disclaimer: You'll need a Social Worker to guide the process :)

Humaira
No wonder.
The child in me is nurtured.

Still have LOTS of entries to type. RAP starting. Hence the madness. Pray for me.

And i pray for the barakah of time... for ALL of us =D
And Oh! HAPPY SOCIAL WORKER'S DAY!!!!

2007 Blog Laundry List

2007-01-05T01:43:00.000+08:00

1. Extra Marital Affairs - History and the 5 different types
2. Blood Diamond experience
3. Tis the festive of sacrifices

InsyaAllah. Will have the time. Will search the time. Will find the time.

Humaira..
stay tuned!

Ordinary afterall?

2006-12-28T20:04:00.000+08:00

"Isn't it ordinary to be extra-ordinary?"

Because we're unique in our own way... hence the pursuit to feel special is n.o.r.m.a.l.

Is n.o.r.m.a.l equals to o.r.d.i.n.a.r.y then?

normal (adj): conforming with or constituting a norm or standard or level or type or social norm

Similar, but not the same.

It is afterall, normal (adj- in accordance with scientific laws) to feel extra-ordinary

We're normal....

humaira
abnormal-ing now
normal and not ordinary

Ordinary?

2006-12-23T13:23:00.000+08:00

We were told that we're the youths of the nation, the hope of the people, the light at the end of the tunnel.

We were told so many things, except that we're ordinary.

We were told that we can move many things.
How can ordinary people do that?
We were told that we should not be scared to dream, to aspire, to aim to move any mountains... to recreate fairy tales and live a dream.

You failed to tell us that we're human beings.
We are afterall.... o.r.d.i.n.a.r.y
Aren't we?

What's o.r.d.i.n.a.r.y?

Ordinary People
Lyrics by John Legend

Girl im in love with you
This ain't the honeymoon
Past the infatuation phase
Right in the thick of love
At times we get sick of love
It seems like we argue everyday

I know i misbehaved
And you made your mistakes
And we both still got room left to grow
And though love sometimes hurts
I still put you first
And we'll make this thing work
But I think we should take it slow

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

This ain't a movie no
No fairy tale conclusion ya'll
It gets more confusing everyday
Sometimes it's heaven sent
Then we head back to hell again
We kiss then we make up on the way

I hang up your call
We rise and we fall
And we feel like just walking away
As our love advances
We take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I Still want you to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Take it slow
Maybe we'll live and learn
Maybe we'll crash and burn
Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave,
maybe you'll return
Maybe another fight
Maybe we won't survive
But maybe we'll grow
We never know baby youuuu and I

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Heyyy)
We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow (Take it slow oh oh ohh)
This time we'll take it slow

Humaira
Ordinary?
Still hoping for my fairy tale

or·di·nar·y adj.

a. Of no exceptional ability, degree, or quality; average.

b. Of inferior quality; second-rate.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com

H.O.M.E + Musical + Colours = LIFE

2006-12-04T10:44:00.000+08:00

A full circle?

2 years ago, during HOME@St52, an annual carnival organised by PPIS-Jurong FSC, i took part in the free flu vaccination exercise.

2 years later, i got a really bad flu bug, conquering my immune system, few days before HOME@St52.

Sux?

Kinda timely....
A full circle of humaira's screwed up internal system.

Other than that, i've been busy with work (what else is new), missing my family (esp my cousins), attending weddings (witnessing BEAUTIFUL brides *smile*) and of course, being happy =D

Life's a bliss.
Alhamdulillah.

Should my life be portrayed as a musical, i would be dancing kewl moves, upbeat tempo and rapping away happy words! And of course... romantic songs too.....

As i'm swooned over by the beautiful songs from Puteri Gunung Ledang, the musical.

Excellent Eastern love story.
A STORY which authenticity is sooo secondary.
Cinderella wasnt real. But its still one of the most popular fairy tales ever known to children, isnt it?

Let the Puteri be the Eastern Cinderella then.

And Hang Tuah?
Hmmmm.....

Call me judgemental, i never like him (the character) ever since i picked and read sastera Melayu during Secondary school. Blind obedience to the leader, with no insight and incapable of having independent thoughts, as portrayed and analysed from the literature. However, the portrayal of Hang Tuah is different in PGL. Handsome, suave, pandai berpantun, good with words....[yawnzz] I still prefer Jebat, a no-nonsense man, cunning, creative and most importantly, assertive in standing up for his opinion. A challenge, and ideal for modern women *wink* Should Jebat be the Hero in PGL... hmmm, i wonder if the ending will be different.....

Should my life become a musical, i'll get tired of hitting the high notes. Hence, welcome the colourful pills that 'beautify' my life.

Technically speaking, my health has been a disaster of late. I have noooo idea what causes it, as i swear i took care of my health prudently (ie, sleep before 2am, eat fruits, eat... basically) But the flu bug wasnt merciful to its target. It hit me with the highest temperature of 39.8deg. Virus spread to gastric system.

Alhamdulillah... the colourful pills help combat the bug. As much as i hate swallowing the bitter cure, i have human beings surrounding me nagging endlessly to ensure the 8-hourly activity.

Now that Humaira's great wall of immunity is built up, insyaAllah.... i cant wait to get back to work and continue my pursuit to ensure the success of the carnival. Can't wait....

Fundraising activities...
There are few ways people can do:
The short and smart way, with minimum manpower, or
the huge and traditional way, with maximum resources and manpower.

Both work.
In Social Work, the latter seems to be more preferred.
Fundraising is not only about the output of the funds being raised.
Its the awareness, the amount of energy being galvanised to support a particular cause.
Its outcome: priceless.

Therefore... as much as people cry, tired, get fatally sick out of organising a fund-raising activity, we ALL know, every tear, sweat, vomit and pills swallowed, is for a cause. The tougher the journey... the sweeter the victory. Its ALL part of the process bebeh~

Hence, do not underestimate traditional fundraising effort.

On that note, i invite you to share PPIS-Jurong FSC and our beneficiaries' sweat and effort in our pursuit to raise funds for Straits Times School Pocket Money Fund. Dont let our children miss essential education only because they have no money for transport or food to eat during recess time. Its UNTHINKABLE in a modern and civilised society like ours. Unthinkable!

I'm appealing to your compassionate nature to support this cause.

Lets Seed HOPE so as to Realise their dreams.
Begin with supporting School Pocket Money Fund.

Hope to see y'all there!

More info:
HOME@ST52.

Humaira
Finally... its out of my system

Quote of the week:

We are our own tool in our profession. A change in part of us, will change the quality of the whole tool, hence the quality of our service ~ Dearest Sup

Face Doesn't Lie

2006-11-22T12:48:00.000+08:00

Does it?

Mine really doesn't.

It betrayed me... again and again.

I dun mean to lie, really.... i'm just covering the truth =P

The truth about, the union which hopefully will make us better individuals, and most importantly, better servants.

The new journey begins, i suppose.

All the best :)

humaira
Dancing... comfortably

Fav Picture of the week goes to...

Zak-ster and Aid-staz
ke'kakak RAP berkebaya di PPIS Day

Oooooo-tique

2006-11-18T11:34:00.000+08:00

The entry with xxx in mind.

Sex in the Lion City?

Yerp. In the middle of CBD area.

There stood a little room of havenly pleasure... to human men and women alike.

The little secret of pleasure which i'm dying to share with u, my darling girlfriends.

How bout a date there sometimes?

I shall arrange it.

With Allah's pleasure, insyaAllah.

Especially those dearies who may find these items of utmost relevant in their next phase of life

Ms Suhailah (25th Nov)
Ms Fidza (9th Dec)
Ms Sarah (April, 2007)
Ms Fitriah (August, 2007)
Ms Ainul (July, 2007)
Ms K (2007)
Ms S (200?)

Ms Rashidah (3rd Dec), Ms Aliah (25th Nov).. to u gals too (though unlikely u'll read this =P)

To dearest dearest Kak Mariam (17th Nov)...
You were georgous. You've always been and will alway be.

Alamak... gtg
PPIS Day now.

=D

The Voyage of Self Discovery

2006-11-13T00:24:00.000+08:00

For those who are not in the loop of my Ramadhan activity, here's the news: Went to UIA Gombak for a week. Why? To mug. Seriously! (also to hand in overdue assignmentsss lar)

My adventurous journey started in the west-north train. My big bag which covers half of me attracted some individual's attention. Mr Ismail especially, (yeah.. i know his name coz he gave me a slip of paper consisting name n fone number) as he approached me asking if i'm going for a holiday (duh!). Since i was memorising Surah al-Haaqqah, he also asked if i'm well conversed in Arab. I let him talk and talk. I just smiled. And i board the train. Without him. Pheuh. He asked me to call... which of course i wont.

First time travelling alone.
Alone... but not lonely.

I was accompanied by my self-reflection. And Alhamdulillah, there are people protecting me. Or at least constantly looking upon my welfare. The bus service i took from Singapore carried 2 men and myself. Excluding 2 drivers. The pakciks drivers constantly checked on me if i'm ok. So sweet of them :)

Hey~ I'm not gonna go through day-by-day account. Just few things i wanna remember.

I MISS SCHOOL!!!!!!
I MISS CAMPUS LIFE!!!!!
I MISS LECTURES!!!!
I MISS LIBRARIES!!!
I JUZ MISS EVERY THING!!!
except the exams, really.

Other than that, i realised i'm capable of attending Arab lecture (i may need a big dictionary still, but i survived)

We also learnt to smell the flowers. Despite the busy tasks we have. Coz life contains choices.

Oh! Mental note: To read biography of Malcolm X. Have to search for the book at Kino should i go there again.

And last but not least, Sarah... thank you for having me. Cant thank you enuff, really.

Kinda lazy to write more. Enjoy the pics.

The winding road to mahallah Ameenah.

The view from where we mug.

The boy at the Malcolm X talk.

lalalala~
Humaira
cramp cramp cramp

How do i identify a divine sign?

2006-11-10T02:44:00.000+08:00

I promise i'll update my UIA - Ramadhan experience....Soon... (pray i have the strength to do it)

Ja... when's our date? Miss you lots. Let's meet up over cereal sotong?

Perhaps this entry can jumpstart our endless conversation when we finally meet?

Have you ever done istikharah ?

A type of specific prayer which one practices when in a crossroad of choices.

How do u identify Allah's divine answer?

Some say... its in the calmness of the heart.
Some say... u can find it in your dreams.
Some say... well... you'll know it.

How do i know?

by something tangible, like reading or investigating the scary past?
or.... it is really about belief? and the courage to forget the past and trust the hope of the future?

I'm scared.
Yes, Darnie... you may be right. I may be scared of.. perhaps... being hurt again?
How do i remedy fear?

Belief? Trust?

Knowing Allah's bigger plan...?

humaira
Its humaira vs eeman part II.

Awaiting Saturday's itenary:
7am: At Office, preparing logs for wRAP-Up (Youth Programme)
8am: @ Kranji Sec Sch
8.30am: Prepare registration
9am: Programme commences - Parenting Talk, Lower Sec Workshop 5, Upper Sec Rehearsal
10.30am: Break
10.45: Programme resumes
12.30: Ends, refreshment
1pm: Fly to Wisma Indah
2.30pm: Research Methods paper
5pm: End. Asar
7pm: Meet kak Mariam n Yati to go Kak Azidah's house
8pm: Meet kak Sha and the rest to go to Ustaz Haniff's house
10pm: Home. To revise Science of Qur'an

Awaiting Sunday's madness:
7am: Hopefully, still awake and still revising
8am: On the way to Wisma Indah
9.30am: Science of Qur'an Exams
12noon: Ends and Zohor
2pm: Rush back home ~ Prepare to welcome Saff battalion
SMS The Yemen guy about the battalion. Prepare Video Conference.
10pm: Hopefully.... just hopefully.... that will be the end.
10.30pm: Breathe

Seasons of Love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Moments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love

Seasons of love. Seasons of love

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Journeys to plan.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man?

In truths that she learned?
Or in times that he cried?
In bridges he burned?
Or the way that she died?

U Local?

2006-11-04T15:20:00.000+08:00

A very long over due post.

I'll catch up.

First: Thailand.

Sa waa dee ka~

A country of beauty and grace. I'm in love with the language and the way they speak! So respectful. The sky of Bangkok... so clear and pristine... i was amused as i always thought that Bangkok, of all places SHOULD be congested with air pollution. I breathe healthily.

Honestly, my Bangkok experience was found in the markets, bazaars and 3 eating places. We fasted despite our 'musafir' status. We survived, alhamdulillah, while conquering (lemme recall...) 2 shopping centres, 2 bazaars, 1 night market and of course, the in famous cha tu chak market. I admit, i didnt really conquer cha tu chak. I gave up after 4 hours of walking. And that only cover the accessories and clothes section. There are at least 6 other sections!

There are so many stories to tell.. including the incident with a fellow Singaporean at the new Bangkok airport. Oh well, we'll save it some other time.... or when we meet perhaps?

Enjoy the pic.

Which shopping centre do we go first?

2 chicks and a spotty shelter

Dazed by the choice

The hitch-hiking baby elephant.

LOL!!!

Colours colours colours!C'est de la France! J'aime la roue nuit~

Hard Rock with Interesting Warning...."No Drugs or Nuclear Weapons allowed inside"

Mirror mirror in my hand...

The boy who inspires

Johnny's social conscience.
A great landmark too!

Tired and saved by an Arab restaurant

Pass at 15kg

Bz Bz airport

Amateur photos

Leaving Thailand with a glimpse of Beauty and Grace
Kap Kum Ka~

How does one know if she is missing something in her life?

2006-10-27T10:45:00.000+08:00

Aida and I went to a secondary school in the east yesterday when we met this charming school counselor. Married. Intelligent. Apparently, he was a teacher. Just took a 6-month course to specialise in counselling.

I wonder..... is it his calling to switch to a career which is deem as more meaningful?

As far as i know, most people switch their professional careers, such as those in the engineering field, banking industry and management, to something which is considered as more mild and more meaningful; touching others' lives via counselling. And most of these people are either in their mid-life (40s) or retiring.

All these people, including the charming school counselor, had experienced life outside the social service.

Social service is my first career. Casework and counselling is my first task.

Does this mean that i found fulfillment earlier than them? Or, am i scared enough to explore my other possibilities and jump into something which is most accessible?

Am I missing something? Will I be exempted or excluded from any important life lessons due to this career inertia?

Aida said, "Yeah! We miss money"

Smart answer.

I don't attempt to disagree.

The day progressed and I attended a Hari Raya makan-makan cum inaugural meeting.

The guestlist was exclusive. And i still wonder how my name could be there.

There i was, sitting comfortably in between the girls, cuddled up in the soft comfortable sofa, trying to make sense of their conversation. Perhaps i was late, hence my struggle.. Perhaps i was still boxed, in a certain system, trying to make sense based on the limited framework.

Basically, i felt boxed. Stucked.

Is this what i'm missing? the experience of being in a larger box?

Is this what life is? Defining the box we're in?

Then i realised.... it IS my decision, MY choice. And i chose to be in this box, maximise it, hence allow it to define me. I always have alternatives. I can choose to break the box (its gonna hurt a lot, myself and others), allowing myself the little hole of freedom. Or, i can just get out from the box and poke it from outside, making it my little hole of connectedness to the past framework.

At the moment, i stick to my decision. As i like how it defines me.

Stuck? Boxed?

I'll create the little hole of freedom.

Hence i have to get ready for some adventure of hurt, anger, disappointment and a whole lot of self-discovery.

Life is empowering.... to the extend that it is beyond our understanding.

Humaira

The 7th-night Date: When u seed love in me

2006-09-29T06:00:00.000+08:00

Weather description: Windy.
Lailatul Qadr Indicator: 80% No.
Love letter read: 2nd chapter.

I was supposed to spent my date at AlFalah tonite. Instead, i worked my heart (i cant say b*#@, must respect Ramadhan) out at Saff centre, preparing for Ramadhan Rocks '06 media kit, together with the rest. However, the date was no less significant. In fact, it was one of the memorable dates i never wish to forget.

The date led by fellow comrades brought humility towards your Greatness, my dear. You spread your love so unselfishly, You make it easier for us to love each other for Your name, Your message, Your pleasure. Please continue to unite our hearts, so as to be strong, and together stand in line to be in remembrance of Your greatness. Ameen.

The date was filled with Hope. To help us with our effort. My Dearest, we have done only so much to attain your Pleasure. The outcome is entirely Yours to decide. My dearest the Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

And so we bow in prostration, submitting our whole self to You.... the creator of all.
Help us in our little effort.
Assist us in our weakness.
Unite us in our hearts.

Humaira
Back to the Media Kit

First date: A shiverish experience

2006-09-24T12:21:00.000+08:00

When the imam said: Bismillaahirrahmaanirraheem

nawaitu souma ghadin 'an adaa i fardhi syahri ramadhaana haa dzihis sanati lillaahi ta'aala

I felt a shiver going through my spine. It's here. I meet IT again. Alhamdulillah...

I'm proud the way my fellow Muslim Singaporeans are gearing to meet this month.

A concert-cum-forum, an effort by fellow youthful brothers with latent energy to see positive changes in the community viz creative approach. I welcome and applaud such effort =D

Ladies and gentlemen, the quest has begun. To make full use of this opportunity to be closer to the Utmost Loved.

Here's my dating plan (important reminder to self)

1st night, Sat, 23/9: A date at Kassim Mosque --> CHECKED! Shiverish experience!

2nd night, Sun, 24/9: A date at home (to submit research report)

3rd night, Mon, 25/9: A date at home (to bring my text books to the date)

4th night, Tue, 26/9: A date at Assyakirin

7th night, Fri, 29/9: A date at al-Falah

8th night, Sat, 30/9: A date in the OUTDOOR!!!! with other loved ones ~

9th night, Sun, 1/10: A date at home (resting)

10th night, Mon, 2/10: A date at Darussalaam -- after training @ FRTC

11th night, Tue, 3/10: A date at Darussalaam -- after training @ FRTC

12th night, Wed, 4/10: A date at home. Preparing self for another journey

13th night, Thur,5/10: A date at Thai.

14th night, Fri, 6/10: A date at a Mosque at Bangkok (Hmm.. hoping to find one)

15th night, Sat, 7/10: A date at a hotel.

16th night, Sun, 8/10: A date at home. Recuperating...

17th night, Mon, 9/10: A date at al-Falah

18th night, Tue, 10/10:A date at Maulana

19th night, Wed, 11/10:A date at Home

20th night,Thur,12/10:A date at UIA?

21st night, Fri, 13/10: A date at UIA?

22nd night, Sat, 14/10: A date at UIA?

23rd night, Sun, 15/10: A date at UIA?

24th night, Mon, 16/10: A date at UIA?

25th night, Tue, 17/10: A date at home

26th night, Wed, 18/10: A date at Assyakirin

27th night, Thur, 19/10: A date at Assyakirin

28th night, Fri, 20/10: A date at Assyakirin

29th night, Sat, 21/10: A date at Assyakirin

30th night, Sun, 22/10: A date at Assyakirin

Ameen...

Humaira
Gearing up!

Fly Me to the Moon... No... Kingdom... No... ANYWHERE

2006-09-22T01:21:00.000+08:00

Thai has to start a coup now. And i haf to attend a training scheduled during my proposed day(s) off!

I think the whole world is against me taking a break!!!

Arrgghhh~

Nevertheless, Thailand, I'm still flying off to you.

World, get ready for humaira!

Humaira
Publishing a book... alhamdulillah

His Other Sister?

2006-09-07T02:28:00.000+08:00

The interesting tag-board conversation brought me to reminiscing my past... all the way to the innocent world of Alsagoff.

Due to re-construction, my school was transfered from the (current MINDS) building at Kembangan to the newly upgraded one at Jalan Sultan back in 1992. I was primary 4 then. And at the same time, we were progressed to the A.M session. The schooling system in madrasah is a bit different from those of normal government schools. We can't afford the space to allow alternate session to different levels. Ours work such that all of the lower primary students will attend the P.M session, and the upper primary up to the higher level will have to wake up early in the morning to attend classes. Hence, when you're 10 years old, waking up in the morning to go to school together with the seniors was such honour. I LOOK FORWARD to go to school!

A year later, everyone began to feel settled with the new building. Great infrastructure then. Cool auditorium with AIR-CON!! We, back in 1994, were greatly impressed. We stand tall during the assembly, not to sing the school anthem (we dont have any), but to read the daily prayers, feeling proud, and immensely blessed. That was me, 11 years old.

Being in all-girls school also mean that our socialization circle is limited to the single gender; the females. We admire one another, we love one another, we have crushes, we feel jealous with one another, there was definitely competitions, arguments, cat fights on who get to be that kakak's adik angkat first.... its normal. I dont think its anyway near lesbianism. We need to scrape through the surface and see the underlying needs beneath these actions. These are normal behaviour because it functions to satisfy developmental challenges. The type of challenge which exist in any growing teenagers; the yearn to be loved, known and acknowledged. In this context, rather than being acknowledged by boys, we yearn for acknowledgement from the female seniors whom we respect and admire. Hence, i conclude that this socialisation is unique, and at the same time, as healthy as those experienced in co-ed schools.

So, i experienced having crushes on the kakak-kakaks. Acknowledgement happened to be coincidentally blessed upon me that i dont have to yearn for it much. It happened when some sisters discovered that i kinda look like Art Fazil, hence thought that Art Fazil actually has a kid sister in the school. This kind of jeweled information couldnt be kept secret in a school 1.5-soccer-field wide and 3 levels high. Hypothesis ran wild, and if i had known how to pronounce 'media conference', i would do one for myself and announce that i have no wat-so-ever relation with a man name Art Fazil. I always wondered to myself what kind of name is that anyway? I didnt know how he looks like, really.... Those aside, i admit i enjoy the limelight (so kak 'mummy', there is no need to apologise, really. I should thank you instead for making my growing up years a bit easier. teehee). I remember blushing and constantly running and seeking refuge in the toilet whenever i was teased. Haha. (Hmm... i ran to the boys toilet. My favourite hang-up place in-between lessons)

Who was Art Fazil anyway? My only information of him was from my aunt, who was the producer of HMI (Hiburan Minggu Ini), an entertainment programme for the Malay audience. She mentioned about the station's new rule in banning artistes with long hair, and Art Fazil is one of them. I was quite impressed actually by his assertiveness in standing by his long mane. We're talking about free publicity to boost artiste's name by singing in the show. But he still declined. That spells a lot of character in him.

Oh... i always wonder how its like to have an elder brother anyway. Someone to protect me. To teach and guide me. To tell me things i can never find in books and google. To introduce me wisdom. To nurture me with experience. And to constantly remind me how life is beautiful when one puts the right mind into it. How amazing this will be.... and how wonderful if i can be such a person to another human being =D

Art Fazil continues to have impacts in my life. From allowing me to be acknowledged in tweenage years in school, to making me feel special in my love-struck TEENage life. His album was a constant reference source to the boys in my life to dedicate their 'love' to me with. I was swooned.. yeah... i admit. Merindu Kepastian was popular. And the song 'Nur', a very apt song title which also describe my intimate name only called by the closest human beings on earth; my family, aunts and uncles and cousins. 'Nur' never fails to lift me up and empowers me to exude such light and hope on others. 'Merindu Kepastian' allows ME to constantly have hope that, well, the song will be sung to me again.... some day... :)

I'm sure, this talented singer willl continue leaving his influence in my life, in some way or another.

And i am pleased to allow it.

Apa yang menceriakan bumi
Setiap hari setiap waktu pagi
Membuat wajah berseri

Bagaimana tumbuh-tumbuhan
Terus segar didalam kehijauan
Di dalam hutan dan taman

Nur... cahaya sakti

Di tengah kegelapan malam
Ketika bintang di langit berkerdip-kerdipan
Indah seri sang rembulan

Ketika insan kealpaan
Ketika kejahilan menutup kesedaran
Siapa petunjuk jalan

Nur... cahaya sakti

Nur adalah kuasa semulajadi
Nur adalah asal asli rohani
Nur tercipta dari azali
Nur... nur... nur...

--------------------------
Matters that cheer the world
Everyday every morning
enliven each faces.

How do plants
always fresh in the greeneries
in the forests and gardens

Nur... the magical light

In the middle of the dark night
when the stars in the sky shine
Beautiful is the moon

When human beings forget
when ignorance closes awareness
who guide the path?

Nur... the magical light

Nur is the natural power
Nur is the authentic spiritual root
Nur is created by The Creator
Nur... Nur... Nur....

Nur... the magical light

I look way much different now. They said its the eyes. Go figure lar.

Humaira
planning to get time off later.
Headache unbearable.

Humaira vs Eeman

2006-09-03T02:00:00.000+08:00

"What goes around, comes around. What comes up, must come down" - Alicia Keys

I believe in retribution.

Good efforts will be blessed.

Sinful ones will be punished.

Similar to Karma (Quoting Earl: 'You do good things and good things will happen to you') And i'm sure the opposite will have similar effects too.

I'm in a situation when almost everything seems wrong (No, i'm not PMS-ing). My work piling up, i'm questioning my professional limitations and my personal idealism, my unfulfilled promises, heaps of articles, anger on self resulted from a certain new information, unsatisfactory mid-term grades... and bla bla bla (depressed already).

I know matters such as heaps of workload can be structural consequence of earlier actions, such as overlooking my schedule plans.

Some... i believe... is a form of retribution. Especially when it comes to emotional torture.

And so i allow myself to experience the hurt, the grieve, the sadness, the anger, and all other negative emotions ever known to humankind.

I ALLOW. As i define these feelings as retribution.

My problem is... When will this retribution end? Forever?

How do i know this is a form of retribution in the first place?

Can i dictate my own punishment?

Isnt it Allah's will and mercy?

What's happening to my eeman?

Shouldnt i say i believe in Allah's qadha and qadar? Retribution, good or bad, depends on His mercy and just?

Allah... should i stop allowing myself to feel punished and start hoping for better outlook?

Is my taubat enough for you to accept?

Compatible enough to atone for my mistakes?

Allah...
Show me. Guide me. Protect me. Strengthen me.
Show him. Guide him. Protect him. Strengthen him.
Show them. Guide them. Protect them. Strengthen them.
Show us. Guide us. Protect us. Strengthen us.

...... as we begin with Your name, the most Gracious, most MERCIFUL.......

Humaira
Awaiting Ramadhan.... for the battle of Badr... the fight to preserve self sovereignty.

Life's Uniform

2006-09-02T22:18:00.000+08:00

"The skirt you're wearing looks like a wedding gown. Are we gonna get invitation card anytime soon?", my coursemate said.

How interesting. My attire determines my readiness for marriage? Asked my heart.

"Oh~ Err.. i woke up feeling i wanna wear something happy and pretty to perk the day. Marriage? Pray for me ya kak? InsyaAllah the time will come with someone Allah redha", my mouth said and followed with a smile.

The $5 Oh La La skirt i bought at Jennyfer's closing down sale is a beautiful investment. It does have a wedding kind of feeling with that flowy A-cut and the material which shouts class and glamour. It will be perfect for wedding ceremonies (in fact, i should wear it for Faeza's wedding tomorrow)

But hey...

Living in a post-modern world, its an era of de-constructing almost ANYTHING which is relative.

Wearing a 'proper' attire for proper occasion is a social construct, or should i say, constructed by the colonials. One wears fanciful hat for horse racing party, one wears one's best in the presence of the royalties, one wears black for funerals and well.. so many other rules pertaining occasional uniforms.

And what do we do? We ADOPT this construct. We start these rules; One 'supposed' to wear white for funeral, 'supposed' to wear gold and the nicest clothes for wedding occasions, rent the expensive boutique clothes for your own wedding and etc etc. I'm guilty... sometimes. And i'm tired abiding the rules.

I wear what i wanna wear.

According to what i think deem practical... and of course according to Allah's permission.

Islam does not dictate what kind of clothes to wear... as long as it is clean and covers aurah.

"Ayesha (R) reported that Asmaa the daughter of Abu Bakr (R) came to the Messenger of Allah (S) while wearing thin clothing. He approached her and said: 'O Asmaa! When a girl reaches the menstrual age, it is not proper that anything should remain exposed except this and this. He pointed to the face and hands." (Abu Dawood)

So its ok if i wear nice skirts on an un-eventful day eh?

Please let me.

It makes the un-eventful pretty and glamourous.

Just like the skirt.

Now, what should i wear for Faeza's walimah?

Hmmmmm..... a $19 Yen skirt with a kebaya.

All hail Sale!!!

Humaira
I failed my Research Proposal Paper 4/10
I nearly failed my Research Methods mid-term 11/20
Not feeling on top of the world.
Am under the weather.
And yeah... i hope the clouds will move =)

"لإن شكرتم لأزيدنكم, لإن كفرتم إن عذابي لشديد"

Making It Personal

2006-08-15T22:03:00.000+08:00

Make it Personal!

That's my latest blog, dedicated to random thoughts on issues of interest. Comments on research findings and editorial journals will be kept, hoping one day i can develop those thoughts. Definitely not a place for my common ramblings of petty petty little events happening in my little life.

Make it Personal.....

A title inspired by the sharing session with the Master Trainer (MT) Ustaz Haniff.

His sharing started by inviting us to look backward... asking ourselves how was our school life experience like? How was the attitudes towards practicing the religion like during those days?

Then, he asked the 'here and now' question, making us reflect what are the changes and advancements our current youths enjoy today that we couldnt when we were in their age.

Comparison for me is peeeaanuts job.

I talked about how my younger sister is sooo lucky to be given the OPPORTUNITY to interact with students from different schools and religion. Exchange programmes between madrasahs and other secondary schools and junior colleges are welcomed by students from both institutions. During my time... it was unheard of.

I talked about how my sister is luckier to be given the OPPORTUNITY to learn more things because more suitable individuals come forward to contribute their expertise by teaching in madrasahs. During my time... i should be feeling lucky that madrasahs were even allowed to continue operating as public donations were enough to sustain its operational expenses in that particular year! We (esp in Alsagoff Arab School), were constantly threatened by the possibility of the school being closed down. At least, that was the message I received annually during Muharram (the time of the year when Alsagoff students are forced to practive their PR skills in 'fundraising').

The difference between the past and now is OPPORTUNITY.

It was more limited when i put on the school uniform some years ago.

But now.... Madrasah students are almost on par with the other students in the national stream. Standards are getting higher. Teachers are more dedicated. Students are more motivated. Opportunities are CONSCIOUSLY created to ensure holistic development; both academically, as well as socially.

How did this happen?

E.F.F.O.R.T

From the very people who believe OPPORTUNITY must be given to the girls and boys in the religious schools.

I record my thanks to them.

Their EFFORTS are admirable.

Ladies and gentlemen.... do not stop at admiration and grattitude.

Ask further what kind of future do you want YOUR children to experience?

The same as my sister? Worst? Better?

You know the answer. I do.

And our E.F.F.O.R.T has to start now.

The STAKE of our children's privileges and challenges depend on our E.F.F.O.R.T.

I dont want MY children to feel the hardship MY sister is experiencing.

I want my daughter to receive the best education there is... and at the same time adhering to covering aurah.

I want my children to feel certain of her identity... to feel comfortable enough to interact with others and not feel insecure about her religiousity.

I want my children to not feel the pain and difficulties in finding future spouses who are able to compliment them and guide them to the right path.

All these start from our EFFORT in moulding the very children we want our children to be...the very friends our children will socialise with... the very institutions in which our children will be educated in.... NOW.

Sound selfish? Its ALTRUISM baby.

Social Psychologists argue that being altruistic IS ABOUT being selfish.
It hurts so much for you to see the other person suffer that you HAVE to do something to alleviate his/her sufferings so that YOU dont feel hurt.

Who says being selfish is all wrong.

It is afterall human to think of oneself first.

So... think of your/my future. It hurts to see the possibility of YOUR/MY future generation experiencing the same harships as WE are in.

Do Something to alleviate that...NOW

Make our da'wah stakes personal.

Humaira
When motivation comes from the self known as SELF

Humaira, age 1.

Enjoying all the attention of being the only one in cast =D

Some pain is good though. It develops character they say.

I say... it creates the constructivist in me *wink* (check out the blue clothing for my cast)

Some will say it develops resilience.

What say you?

2006-08-07T21:13:00.000+08:00

The symbol of affiliation =P

I'm lurrving it~

Humaira
Yeah Yeah... also known as Siti (bleargh!)

Its Really My Way

2006-07-29T02:10:00.000+08:00

The journalism class has been fun so far, alhamdulillah.

News flash: Blogging is not journalistic, as it does not comform to the ethical guidelines practised by the conventional journalists.

Hmm... If its only about ethical guidelines, i would say, it is not ethical too to generalise all bloggers to be incapable of abiding to the rules.

I see this as journalistic.

My eyes see this as journalism.

Journalism teaches me to express.

And i'm expressing according to what i see as worth expressing it... for the benefit of 'ilm and fikrah building.

Hmmm...

Those internal disagreement with my lecturer aside, I shall tell you about a song i learnt during the latest class.

Why did we learn the song in the class?

To drive the message that our writings need to be SIMPLE.

Back to the song, I've heard it so many times before, but hearing it and reading the lyrics again just gave me new meaning. I never thought the song could describe the very feeling i'm bearing.

Ladies and gentlemen...
I present you....
My Way
By Frank Sinatra

And now, the end is near;
And so i face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life that's full.
I've traveled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I've had a few;
But then again, too few to mention.
I did what i had to do
And saw it through without exepmtion.

I planned each charted course;
Each careful step along the byway,
But more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When i bit off more than i could chew.
But through it all, when there was doubt,
I ate it up and spit it out.
I faced it all and I stood talll
And did it my way.

I've loved, I've laughed and cried.
I've had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may i say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And i did it my way!

Humaira
Write to express... Not to impress

I Call Upon the Time

2006-07-15T20:34:00.000+08:00

The stomach cramp has been killing me (my mood to be specific, and my ability to complete my daily tasks). I took 1.5 days of time off for the week. That's A LOT according to me, as i have 18cm high of in-tray to conquer every day (refer picture, the green frog is supposed to control the intray. It struggles as you can see it fighting to stay balanced). The look of my workstation doesnt help relieving the pain, so, resting and sleeping at home is most apt... its about time to open up my course notes too...

Oh yeah~ My assignment....

I'm writing this as an advert to those who may have had their hands on the banned book "The Satanic Verses" written by Salman Rushdie (May Allah guide him to the right path). It is still banned in Singapore and i'm making a plea to anyone who may have read it (or actually have the book stacked in some secret mysterious place).

Share with me your experience reading it.

Lend me the book (even better).

Please email me at nurzakiah@gmail.com if u haf any info.

So, any laments for the week?

I just took 1.5 days worth of time-off! That's 1.5 days worth of work! 1.5 days worth of opening the casefiles and updating myself on clients' lives! But then, those 1.5 days outside the office allow me to update myself with my studies. Not so bad afterall huh?

I'm 24, and i seem to be hearing the clock ticking clearer than before (hey it ryhmes!)

Time... is no longer an excess luxury.
Time... is no longer a luxury even!

I find myself unable to say "I have time for that, i'll help you with that". Not like when i was 17!

I find myself thinking of the opportunity cost of spending certain actions for certain time, asking myself if its worth... well... my time.

I find myself.... choked with the lack of it, ambitious to satisfy many tasks within the very limited time!

I find myself.... appreciating so much, the very friends and comrades who spent time with me, despite the other million things they can achieve with that time :)

I find myself appreciating every minute in life, thanking Allah for this ni'mah of being able to spend time to achieve His redha (insyaAllah)

I find myself... relieved.

So let's call upon the Time...
to perfect eeman
to perform good deeds
to remind one another to the truth
to remind one another to patience

Humaira....
Show me the line between creativity and mere respect.

When time is soo much well spent

Adakah itu masa hadapan ku?

2006-07-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

Tiba-tiba sahaja, ada keinginan untuk berwarkah dalam bahasa ibunda. Demam apa pun tak pasti. Demam bola sudah tentu tamat. Mungkin sisa sisa nya.

Perlawanan Piala Dunia telah tamat, akhirnya. Ditutupi dengan gol kemenangan bagi Itali, perlawanan berakhir dengan 1 - 1 (5 - 3 pada saat penalti) Oooo... aku tidak akan menulis mengenai apa yang telah berlaku pada perlawanan tersebut. Biarlah para wartawan menganalisa peristiwa tersebut. Bagiku.... bagiku.... kehidupan masih diteruskan.....

Kenapa?

Kerana banyak lagi perkara sedih yang meragut keinginanku melayan kesedihan atas kekalahan Perancis. Antaranya, kenaikan harga teksi adalah satu perkara yang amat membimbangkan. Pagi tadi, aku ber-bas.

Ah~

Tiba-tiba sahaja, aku rasa seperti aku harus menulis sesuatu. Tak tahu la pula mengenai apa. Mungkin kepenatanku mengambil alih kewarasanku.

Sekiranya aku bangun dari tidur, alangkah indah sekiranya waktu tidak bergerak?
Separuh daripada in-tray ku dapat dibereskan, dan ulangkaji pelajaran bagi hujung minggu ini telah pun tamat. Bilikku terkemas dengan sendirinya dan buku-buku, fail-fail dan nota-nota tidak perlu disimpan, hafal sahaja dalam hati dan ilmu-ilmu berharga dapat diabadikan dalam diri. Dan aku? aku berada di puncak Gunung Ledang, gunung yang ku tempuhi setengah jalan sahaja.

Itu dunia ideal ku.

Dunia ketika mataku separuh terbuka.......

Biarkan aku....

terus belayar ke dunia tersebut

Selamatkan aku sekiranya ku jauh dari pandangan mu.

Humaira
Ku perlukan kompass

The wunderschon German Affair

2006-07-05T06:12:00.000+08:00

And so the wall of defense was broken... twice! By the Musollini's team.

Aaaa.... It was a good war nevertheless.

My stomach-ache begins to subside now...

Freud would diagnose me for experiencing psychosomatic symptom... the feeling of anxiety so overwhelming that my bodily function needs to react.

Freud would understand. If he's still alive, he would experience the same symptoms too...

I wonder... if Freud is still alive, his office will be swamped with football fans' post-(0-2 loss) trauma. And he may be listening and evaluating the various coping behaviours or efforts coming out from the die-hard fans.... (or the endless remorse from that luxurious bet on the German's victory) *hehe* Believe me... i had thousands of reasonings trying to positively re-frame the loss when i tried sleeping after the match. I couldnt sleep, hence the blogging.

My first truly World Cup experience...... it kinda ends 1 week early.

To honour Humaira's World Cup experience, let's recap the highlights of the month:

1. Excellent Germany vs dunno-what-country opening game! Classic! But defense still sux
2. The late night Germany-Argentina match at West Coast MacDonalds. Germany fans RAWK! (n rowdy)
3. Farhan's juvenile bet: "I will solat for ONE MONTH if Germany score that stupid penalty". Germany did. And Farhan re-tracks his bet (coward!)
4. The Late night pre-solat malam entertainment: READING England's loss via SMS and irritating England fans! Muahahahahaha!!
5.The Late night solat during first-half of Germany- Italy match, and the loss :( ---> Lehmann still the mann for those killer saves (ironic! He single handedly sent 2 players off for injury... incidentally)

Coming up...
Facing non-German fans the next day :(

I can sense my stomach-ache coming... ouch *bend down, Beckam style (without the vomit, of coz)*

Before i conclude this article, i'm obligated to do one more thing to honour my team; Russell-Peter-ing the opponent!!!!

One of the roads to recovery.... Enjoy

Humaira
Distracted by the ball (u see a pun, u're yellow!)

wunderschon -- the 'o' has double dots on it. I can't seem to be able to have that font function. Anyone can help me rectify this problem? I cant even write french without this function. Heellpp!!

The end of the anxiety

2006-06-29T23:01:00.000+08:00

To those who are aware of my anxiety... i thank you for your empathy.

The cause of it ended quite well.

It was liberating to let go and humble self to reality.

It is indeed scary.... it is indeed biting...

I swallowed quite a lot today... fruits, pride and tears.

I haf to face it anyway... sooner or no later.

Indeed.. the cure for IT is to face it.

The cure for IT is to be truthful.

And.. the cure for IT is to be happy =D

Hah...

.... And now, its time to organise a big one for all the 3!

and for the final final time.... move on!

Humaira...
this entry is exclusive for hia.
When humility is tested....

de soi experimenter

2006-06-29T01:38:00.000+08:00

"Adik... kakak tak suka dia kawan ngan pompuan tuh! Perempuan2 yang lain boleh, tapi yang ini, kakak tak rela! Salah ke kakak nih??"

A voice very familiar on the receiver for the past few weeks.

As i've predicted, marital complaints will rise, but not because of the World Cup.... instead it is its sworn enemy... E.M.A (Extra Marital Affair)... be it real, or imagined.

The usual tired me will lament to such callers... irritated as caller doesnt seem to be able to see things rationally. Emotional crown took over the qalb, and the rest becomes blurred.

It is also saddening to witness the women victimising themselves and suffering from their own prejudice or unwanted circumstances.

You pointed out that, that woman could be me.....
Oh God forbid.

But its a possibility, nevertheless, i agree (Oh God forbid)

We may react or response as such when things dun go according to our expectations...

Try...
Imagine the unexpected. Hard?
Imagine experiencing the unexpected. One becomes disillusioned.

We dun get married thinking our husbands will have E.M.A...
Yeah, we may talk about it, get scared, and shoo it away hoping it will never happen...

You see, you're already setting un-realistic expectations on your marriage.
Hence, such reactions.

No, i'm not saying that one should get into the sacred vows of marriage having the thought that your partner will be interested in someone else (Oh please.. dun)

I'm saying that, one should get into the vow, being aware of self as human full of imperfections, and that you can never be perfect.

I'm saying that, one should get into the vow, realising that marriage is a mean, not an achievement to a wonderful relationship.

I always write the same sentence on my wedding card to my dearest friends;

Being married is a beginning of a strife (Jihad)
Fight FOR your love.

From my humble observation.

Fight what?
People change... circumstances change... ideals change... nothing is constant except change...
Yes... we're striving towards strengthening ANY relationships despite the fact that everything changes.

After that?
Tawakkal.

Sounds easy?
Try doing it!

Let's Walk the Talk!

Hmmm... lemme experiment it on my relationship with parents.
Constant strife is to return from work early so i can spend time (fighting) to get to know their old selves better...

To operationalise this experiment:

First task: Returning home from work EARLY

Second task: Talk to my parents at home (instead of sleeping or watching TV)

Third task: conscious effort to get into their Good Books

I dunno if i can succeed the first Jihad.
I have some worry about my ability to fulfill the second one.
I dunno if i haf the patience and guts to even reach the third task.

So u get what i meant by Jihad?

Its unfair for us to expect so much of others, when we dun set expectations of us vis-a-vis the others

Humaira...
de soir experimenter
My experiment shall start next Monday

C'est musique d'espoir

2006-06-27T02:30:00.000+08:00

Look to your path

Vois sur ton chemin
Gamins oublies egares
Donne leur la main
Pour les mener
Vers d'autres lendemains

Sens au coeur de la nuit
L'onde d'espoir
Ardeur de la vie
Sentier de gloire

Bonheurs enfantins
Trop vite oublies effaces
Une lumiere doree brille sans fin

Tout au bout du chemin

See on your way
forgotten kids who've strayed
give them a helping hand
lead them to new horizons,
help them understand

Feel, in the depth of despair
a surging waves of hope
the fervour of life
The glorious path

Childish delights
Too soon forgotten and erased
A golden light that burns forever
at the end of the path

Humaira...

"face of an angel, but spawn of the devil"

The Queen, the Teens and the Childhood Days

2006-06-22T00:17:00.000+08:00

We celebrated the Queen's birthday.

Do u know that the Queen (Elizabeth II) has 2 birthdays?

The actual day of which she was born was on the 21st April. Her OFFICIAL birthdate is on the 17th June, as the chance of warm weather is better 2 months later. When you're the Queen, you have the power to change your birthdate... Kewl... She turns 80 this year, btw.

I shall post the wonderful pictures we took when we attended the Queen's birthday celebration... the Willy Wonka style. Chocolates EVERYWHERE... Lollies and Gummies... Free flow of ice-cream (ALL HALAL!!!) I was at the Wonka's residence (actually, it was his chocolateness, the high British commissioner's residence along Nassim Road) Serenaded by the cute and impish oompa loompas... the children played games..get fat... get more prizes. They didnt get to do this often anyway... and yeah, they NEED to get fat as most of them are SKINNY. Having to be able to enjoy the fair without worrying about money liberate them.

"Kak, how does the princess look like? Is she pretty?"

"She's the Queen, dear. And she's 80"

"So kak, are we gonna meet the 'nenek'?"

"Errmm.. No... the Queen is celebrating with her family in Buckingham Palace, in London"

"(sad face) We're not meeting her?? But it's her party!"

"I'm sure someone's recording the ceremony such that the Queen can view it later"

The kids havent seen the Queen before. Its a good thing that they get the Queen's brief biography (of course published by Penguin) for them to read more about her Majesty. A very good way to learn more about England, i must say. The kind High Commissioner also packed the goodie bag with LOTS of more chocolates, and a Charlie and the Chocolate factory book! The sweets and chocolates rest themselves in the children's system on our journey home, that they werent able to sleep in the bus. They were as hyper and as excited as the journey to the party, with MORE burning questions about the Queen.

The FSC was presented with a giant Cadbury Milk Chocolate weighs 10kg (Thank you Rizal for your MANpower) and a big piece of the Queen's birthday cake (Yes, all are confirmed Halal by NCSS, and i checked, the Cadbury choc was factoried in Aust *wink*) We are still finishing the cake and the chocolate :D Such good timing as the stress period is kinda HIGH these days....

R.A.P (RemajA Positif), a youth programme coordinated by myself, is at its hype at the moment. Preparations for the next day workshop eats up my whole night, causing my werking hour to begin from 9.30am (taxi late) to 11pm (often times 11.30pm). But looking at the young faces in the early morning... eager to learn (or because parents force them to attend), causes unexplainable renewed strength to move on (alhamdulillah). The sessions have been interesting thus far. Unique characters, as usual. And more attitudes! Ah.... Enjoyable! I pray, they learn at least ONE message from the programme, and apply it on their everday life, insyaAllah.

As werking late nights have been frequent, i have attracted some 'bodyguards' who volunteer to accompany me at 'dark' and quiet times. I had my largest body-guarding team just now, and the most interesting conversation which somehow inspires me.

My dearest adik2s who have gone through undescribeable experience when u were younger,
when you read this, please understand that your story has stripped me with awe, pride and amazement of your life, your struggle and your achievement. I acknowledge that life is not perfect at the moment, but it has been much better than before than drowning. Have faith, reconsider your revenge, move on forward. For in your eyes, lies the most determined, and hopeful spirit. I'm proud of you.

My dearest adik2s,
you know who you are...
Thank you for sharing your story.

Kak Humaira....
When i learn soo much from the Youths

Much ado about Stress

2006-06-14T11:00:00.000+08:00

My workstation symbolizes my life at the moment.

Hence, not much interesting things to note.

Milkullah... i apologise for the delayed 'report' on the child development theories thingy. I'm letting you know i havent forgotten bout it =D

BIRKH has started. Still has yet to receive our results (i can already feel the butterflies in my stomach).

I'll write again once the madness has cooled down...
...about books
...about friends
...about work
...about learning
...about fantasy
...about hope

humaira...
Pride and Prejudice
Hope and Honour

Fever? Non... c'est soccer!

2006-06-10T02:29:00.000+08:00

4 - 2.

Germany against Costa Rica.

Wasnt plan to watch it. Just happened my brother was shouting excitedly. And the Germans are playing. It is during this season that my old flames such as Kahn and Ballack come alive. Unfortunately, they didnt get to play in this first match; the opening of the madness. No biggie (i get to see them cheering excitedly from the bench though. And i can see Kahn itching while witnessing the 2 goals passing through the Germans' lack of defense, knowing HE can save them!). I was introduced to Lehman (Leman), Schnider and that bloke who scored a breath-taking 'outside the penalty box' goal. It was an excellent, eye-catching match, i could barely focus on the interesting article in TIME. Definitely a match to remember.

Germany.... Germany....

Hah!

A self-confessed bimbo of the soccer world, i'm attracted to soccer because of the many many eye candies. The Germans with the hunky names. Oh~ Ballack looking deliciously similar as Matt Damon-slash-Mark Wahlberg. Oh~ the world cup is gonna cause more harm to the girls... leaving us diabetics *swoon*

So, my dearest self, get ready for the coming month of sleeplessness, marital issues, endless soccer discussions with the youths and of course, the rise of the gambling addiction. Financial complaints may be on the rise too, assuming that sleeplessness causes malaise in finding employment, causing stress in the family structure, hence 'forcing' help-seeking behaviour. Be prepared to say 'hello' to 17cm of piles on the in-tray *sigh*

Oh.. and yeah, dun forget the attempts to explain to me what 'off-side' is.
"The opposing team's last man cant be infront of the other team's last man in the close attempt to score goal???"
How do u know who's the last man???? What line?

Arh.....

c'est soccer.

Humaira...
the week when hia couldnt focus on work, and it keeps piling up.
the week of recuperating from Kids' camp.
the week when men are just so wicked.
the week... hia was publicly called the e***** pious chick.
interesting..... hia was a small chicken.
the weekend... when hia was terrorised by "when's your turn?" question.

The sonnet of Soul

2006-05-21T23:38:00.000+08:00

Extracted from Pride and Prejudice (2005)

Elizabeth Bennet: ... I wonder who first discovered the power of poetry in driving away love?

Mr Darcy: I thought that poetry was the food of love.

Elizabeth Bennet: Of a fine stout love, it may. But if it is only a vague inclination I'm convinced one poor sonnet will kill it stone dead

Mr Darcy: So what do you recommend to encourage affection?

Elizabeth Bennet: Dancing. Even if one's partner is barely tolerable.

(and she turns her back against Mr Darcy, and walks away.... smiling *strikeeee ONE!)

I would have to agree with Mr Darcy there. Poetry is indeed the most apt medium of romantic expression. Deep feelings and emotions can only be illustrated with Beautiful words.

Enjoy the sonnet (to my non-Malay readers, i'm sorry i cant translate it for you. I may do more harm and injustice to it =p)

Gurindam Jiwa
(sung by R.Ismail & Rafeah Buang)
(Lyrics written by Wandly Yazid)

Tuai padi antara masak
esok jangan layu-layuan
Intai kami antara nampak
esok jangan rindu-rinduan

Anak cina pasang lukah
lukah dipasang di Tanjung Jati
Di dalam hati tidak kulupa
sebagai rambut bersimpul mati

Batang selasih permainan budak
daun selasih dimakan kuda
Bercerai kasih talak tiada
seribu tahun kembali juga

Burung merpati terbang seribu
hinggap seekor di tengah laman
Hendak mati dihujung kuku
hendak berkubur di tapak tangan

Kalau tuan mudik ke hulu
carikan saya bunga kemboja
Kalau tuan mati dahulu
nantikan saya dipintu syurga

I'm not so sure if this is considered a sonnet (dunno wad that means! Ja.. ur expert opinion please) But, listening to this song being sung Live, it brings new meaning to love songs, really. You cant find the lyrics blatantly saying 'I love you's'. Instead, such emotion is described by innocent actions of taking a peek to see what that special someone is doing, the promise to stay together till eternity, and even if eternity doest exist on earth, the love and longingness will continue in the after-world life. Such subtle words describing passionate intimacy, deep feelings and hopeful future... (obviously smitten)

Humaira
and that affair with the 7 composers.
Priceless!

My version of a fairy tale

2006-05-14T00:23:00.000+08:00

The 24th year of my existance was celebrated by memorising the worldviews created by men (yerp, this include Darwin's theory of evolution and the -isms of the world)

6th of May, my limelight was shared with the General Election. The day ended with my fellow Saff activists, promising more deadlines and efforts to be done to achieve mardhatillah. We had pizza and heart-felt speeches after that (Thanks all)

I haven't sit down and personally thought about the growing number of years i stand on this earth, the amount of oxygen i've breathed in and how much i've contributed to pay for these ni'mat (blessings) i've endowed. There are still so many things i've yet to be. Many things i've yet to do. Many things i've done wrong and more things i've learnt.. walking in this often times less taken route.

I could have been an Usuluddin graduate from IIUM, making my way to work in the Islamic Religious Council of Singapore, and looking into the madrasah system and its implications and development. Perhaps, i could have been engaged to a pilot-to-be whom my mom adores, and lead a life as i've known. Instead, i took up a single major in Social Work, learning any other modules which are difficult to score (I wasnt really thinking of achieving good results anyway), met a guy who introduced me to experience Grief, get myself busy with da'wah effort and basically dedicate myself to constantly challenge my comfort zone and be worried with the never-ending deadlines and project executions.

Unconsciously or not, i've chosen this path. It has been thorny, sometimes lonely, increasingly challenging.... i cried about it, am proud of it, and i simply hope and pray really hard that it does not increase its difficulties BEYOND my capacity.

I could have chosen to go to France and live a fairy tale life, or even New Zealand, working with the fellow changemakers. i could. i could. I could have not chosen to further my studies by taking ANOTHER degree and instead continuing my masters. But i did.

It boils down to (a) bad decision making, or (b) being assertive and knowing what i want in life.

I still want my own version of a fairy tale life...
A princess in the pursuit to get to the castle, walking alone in the dark and lonely forest, joined by a lovely companion and a group of merry friends, all together going towards the same destination. Fighting against the big bad wolves, dangerous fiery dragons and evil witches, working together to hunt for basic food to survive..ensuring each other's motivation and making sure one another is in good shape. The journey would be the most sweet and enjoyable one.

No.. my fairy tale wont end with a 'happily ever after'.
If the journey has to end, it will end with a hope of mercy and goodness.
As the result of the journey is unknown to any.

24 years... and i hold on to this:

I would rather stumble a thousand times, attempting to reach a goal, than to sit in a crowd, in my weather-proof shroud, a shrivelled and self-satisfied soul...

I would rather be doing and daring, all of my error-filled days, than watching and waiting, and dying smug in my perfect ways...

So guide me in my stumbling, doing and daring, and show me the light during my error-filled days.

Humaira...
an entry with 24 years worth of emotions..
24 years of decision making....
24 years of consequences....
and years ahead of hope...

Ultimate Berfday Surprise

2006-05-05T12:53:00.000+08:00

www.suicidalness.blogspot.com

Check that out.

To my dearest dearest colleagues, i've been saying thanks, and i wont stop. Thank youzzzzz!!!!!!

Humaira
Tarched

The beginning of Child development starts from your decision in choosing Who's your life partner

2006-04-24T19:36:00.000+08:00

We had a case conference discussing on the amalgamation of theories in child development (operationally defined as 0 - 7 years of age). Yes, today, the ghosts of Sigmund Freud, Piaget, Bowlby and Kohlberg came alive, right in Minda (the name of our meeting room). To spice things up, the discussion was centred around the Islamic teachings of child development as espoused in the revelation.

"The beginning of Child Development starts from your decision in choosing WHO's your life partner" , brother (we call our boss 'brother') begun his part of the research.

THAT woke me up! (u see, it was 2pm, and i skipped lunch preparing Kohlberg theory and rushing Saff deadlines)

Wow! Brother! What happened to our operationally defined age (0 - 7 years)???

Often times we focus on the development of our child's physical ("uu.. she's wearing 'L' size pampers now"), social ("she smiles whenever she sees me"), emotional ("she doesnt like it if i take away her blankie") and cognitive ("she can now say 'mama'!") development. Little do we pay attention to the little tinkle bell's tauhidic development.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen....
ALL aspects of development begin at the moment when we choose our life partner.

The little tyke is welcomed with the sweet (i rather husky) voice of his/her father's adzan and iqamah.

That is the beginning of his/her Tauhidic education.

The child is born in FITRAH.

No... not tabula rasa (Latin word coined by John Locke, which is the notion that individual human beings are born "blank", and that their identity is defined entirely by their experiences and sensory perceptions of the outside world)

A child is born not as a blank sheet of cloth, or paper, but with the potential of being GOOD. And GOOD is definitely not a blank.

The interesting discovery didnt end there. Critical analysis of theories and its practicality has always interest my grey cells.

Dun just throw away Freud, Bowlby, Kohlberg, Erikson, Piaget and the likes.
They created this knowledge with empirical evidence, with rigorous experimentations and testings.
Islam has always acknowledge knowledge created from our intelligence.

But as Muslims, be mindful of our limitations. The limitation of our intelligence.

Revelation has always been the source of all knowledge. Return to it.
And strengthen the Freud, Bowlby, Kohlberg and etc, with the Islamic perspective, with the entrance of eeman.

Brother,
i wish to argue your initial statement.
Indeed, the beginning of Child development starts from my decision being the very person i aspire to be

Ladies..
Your motherly tasks begin NOW...with yourself.

Humaira...
NOW.

... and the funny thing is, i didnt wanna wake up from that dream...

2006-04-23T13:28:00.000+08:00

It took her a while to reach out that phone. The sun was shining bright... rays zooming in through her small windows, brightening her little room.

It was a fine morning, she whispered.

Should i spoil it?

Emily reached out for that cellphone nevertheless. Scrolled down to find his number and dialed.

Ringing tone....
Ringing tone...

"Yeah?", the husky voice on the other line

"Hey! Morning! How are you? I just called to say that i met you in my dreams, not in the R(A) or M-18 kinda dream, but, i just saw you in my dream and you know what? The funny thing is that i didnt wanna wake up from that dream. I miss you so much that meeting you and seeing you in my dream makes my night. Not that i'm a psycho, or anything, or not that i tried, its been a year that we've broken up. I do, i did try but in every dates i've been to i kept bumping into your friends, and that reminded me of the fun things we did while we were together and that make me miss you so much, but i know this is not a good time, especially with exams coming up, i'm sorry, its been quite selfish of me, i probably should say good bye now", breathless Emily stopped.

"Hey.... errrr.."

"Its ok. You dont have to say anything. This is probably my fault. I apologise. Please get back to your books" Emily jumped in.

And she hung up.

The dissonance continues

2006-04-22T12:45:00.000+08:00

Am gearing up to inaurgurally start typing my essay. Sheesh! I'm still in a daze on what topic to study on.

For those kind souls who may be worrying about my studies (i thank you for doing that job for me *smilez*), i believe you deserve to know how well, or badly, i've done. Here goes.

I'm in the 18th week of my first semester, and i still have yet to memorise my module code. Hence my decision to give up memorising, as the more important thing is to remember what subjects i'm learning. Hence, my achievement this 18th week --> recalling my module titles =D

History 1010 - Understanding the seerah from the journey of Prophet Muhammad to the reignship of Umaiyah.

Re-Learning seerah has been refreshing, as i forgot most of it. So the class, despite being boring, i benefitted by recalling the past facts memorised or cramped somewhere in my brain system for the purpose of the examinations in Alsagoff eons ago.

Thus far, i've submitted 2 assignments, and i still have one long overdued topic still sitting quietly in my lappie. I have to write about the legitimacy of khulafa' rasyidin. I'm still clueless as how do i measure legitimacy. According to who? the ahli sunnah? the muslim community 1000 years ago???? (go figure why the document is still incomplete in my lappie)

Fiqh Seerah - Understanding the seerah of Rasulullah specifically and understanding its significance and relevance to the current context.

This is the most active module with tests in the middle of every session. If you define success as being the bottomline number, here's the list of the 'bottomline' numbers:

Test 1: 8.5 / 10
Test 2: 7.5 / 10(screwed up as i mis-interpreted the question. Boohoo)
Test 3: 9 /10
Test 4: 9.5 / 10
Test 5: unknown (hoping to get 10 though)

I have a 10-page assignment to hand in, which of course, have yet started.
Am planning to write about the history of Jahiliyah - its roots and continuity in contemporary society. Again... pray for me

Revelation as the Source of Knowledge - Understanding the Qur'an as THE source of knowledge (kinda self explanatory isnt it? but its the hardest, i tell u)

Arrrgghhh!! I NEED to hand in this 10-page essay tonite, if possible. Hence causing a 'still-not-focused anxiety' which lead to MORE anxiety!

I'm inspired to write about knowledge and how the knowledge revolution in our contemporary society has become increasingly value-less, and the implications it has on us as an ummah (that's a mouthful. U can sense my non-focused-ness from that paragraph). So, since i'm supposed to present about Kohlberg theory on Moral development in Children's development at work (Yeah.. our casework discussion meetings have been actively re-activated), might as well i do a comparative study on Kohlberg and what the revelation has taught us (in the spirit of killing birdss (and trees) with one essay).

So... i promise i'll start reading bout kohlberg and Naquib Al-Attas once i'm done updating bout my 'life' (oh gawwwd).

Islamic Worldview - Understanding the Islamic worldview vis-a-vis other worldviews (my fav so far)

This module was my muse! I luv it! Apart from that, i've officially completed my assignments (Hurraaahhhh!!!);

I've done a book review presentation on Sachiko Murata and William C. Chittick's The Vision of Islam (interesting analysing how non-Muslims view Islam and how surprisingly accurate and extensive their research and findings are)

My group has completed our in-depth study on Globalisation and Glocalisation, and Islam's position in this world. Although i'm not so satisfied with my effort in this thesis, at least i've completed it. Less worries.

Oh yeah.. we had a mid-term on the topic: "Islam between Liberalism and Extermism. Discuss in the light of dalil 'aql and naql".
The lecturer was kind enuff to award me 8.5 /10 (alhamdulillah)

-------------------------

That's it!

Exams coming up next week.

Cant wait for it.

Cant wait to end it.

If i may comment on my 'process' of learning this first semester, it has been a FLASH adjustment. Am not truly enjoying it yet coz i didnt put in as much effort and passion as i expected myself to, but, insyaAllah, am getting the hang of it. (I really need to hand in those over-dued assignments)

And oh yeah...

I was selected to be one of the Student Council members.

Innalillaahi wa innaa ilaihi raajiuun.

Humaira
Now now.. its time to get to know that 2 old men

Focused Anxiety

2006-04-21T22:59:00.000+08:00

Even if you need to be anxious of your deadlines and tasks, make them focused.
In other words, if you need to be anxious, at least ensure that the anxiey is focused

(haha!)

Geddit?

Something i learnt from SSTI's Outcome Management Course.

I remember debating about the Outcome Management system when i was in my final year in NUS. Back then, NCSS was just 'planning' to establish such system so as to manage the outcome of their fundings (or what they rather call it now... investments)

Now i realise how serious they were.

Outcome Management system talks about client's changing experience vs the 'bottomline' number.
It emphasises lessons learned, both by clients and workers.

We were right during the debate. The process has to be just as important as the numbers.

The system allows both to be reflected.

(Ok. I'm losing my readers now)

The point of blogging this up is to ponder upon the concept of muhasabah that we've learnt.

Imam Ghazali once mentioned about our meta-analysis ability and how it functions in our muhasabah.

The concept of muhasabah does not solely mean we reflect upon our behaviour at the end of an action.

Instead, we have to be able to meta-analytically reflect upon our behaviour while doing it.

Complicated?

According to Ghazali, that was the highest state of muhasabah (incorporating the concept of muraqabah (self monitoring) too, i think)

Very tasawwuf and sufistic.

Yet again... its knowledge.

Applying this concept on Outcome Management System, this process allows us to constantly review our work plan and performance.

So as to attain results and improvement. Just like Khalifah 'Umar said, we have to ensure our today is better than yesterday.

Very Islamic isnt it?

Have i told you how much i love this job?

Have i told you how much i discover my religion via this career?

You have no idea.

No one day is the same.

Had a crisis counselling with a teen today.. something new, as the teen is a volunteer.
Who refused to come home, and instead, came to the centre to seek refuge.

What does this tell us?
What has this taught me?

That we've done a good job such that she prefered coming to the centre rather than staying at home?

How would you feel when a mom said "since my daughter would rather go to you when she's in trouble, let her be. I'm just her mother"?

I feel, i might have done something wrong. I might have also done something good.

Mother realised her position is being challenged --> Mother motivated to win daughter --> Mother 'communicate' with daughter --> if doesnt work, mother seeks help.

At the end of the day... we have to DECIDE on how we look at things.
It is how we position our spectacles, and what kind of lenses we're wearing.

You may agree...
You're welcome to disagree.

Now now... meta-analysing my behaviour at the moment, i'm diagnosting myself as being a dissonant (which may lead to craziness if not curbed from now). Why? because, my action and my consciousness is not in harmony. How? as i blog, i am aware that i have 3 very important assignments to hand in, and yet, i'm allowing myself to be lured into doing 'lagha' (menial) works.

Meta-meta analysing my thoughts and behaviour at the moment: I am feeling very guilty, thus, i decide that i should press that fullstop button .

Humaira
forced by that one button

The Day I wish i signed up for that Kick Boxing Class

2006-04-07T23:42:00.000+08:00

If you work for a living... then why do you work yourself to death?

Something someone shared which tickled me today.

Despite the horrible incident this morning.

Thank you for allowing me to cry.

Thank you for re-framing the way i see things.

Test tomorrow, and i'm talking to Qam about his 16th Birthday and his sweet doctor-to-be girlfriend, and an annoying friend who keep bugging and asking when i'm getting married. Geez... Get a Life!

Had fun talking to the former. Happy B-Dae kiddo!

To the latter, remember the procedure? Number 1: Only ask that question to those who think they've found the one. Number 2: Ask the question ~ When are you getting married? Number 3: Ask the Question ~ Are you SURE???

Gosh.. didnt i teach you anything??

Humaira
The sun is still shining *big smile*

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going?

2006-04-06T18:00:00.000+08:00

Allah help me!

humaira
'there's no entry typed, without you in mind'

Carpe Diem?? Bahh!

2006-04-05T18:35:00.000+08:00

Deeply inspired by my movie-ton yesternight, i started the day at werk shouting (in my heart lar) CARPE DIEM!!! Seize the Day!!!!!

The high energy level dropped suddenly like a stock market graph gone wrong after i tried calling THEM and to get THEM pay for something (cant vommit alot lar.. confidential). It was CRAZIEE.

Carpe Diem? pfffffffft!!

This Carpe Diem thingy... Mr Keating taught me this:

TIS ONLY IN THEIR DREAMS THAT MEN TRULY BE FREE,
'TWAS ALWAYS THUS, AND ALWAYS THUS WILL BE. -KEATING.

No wonder my Carpe Diem didnt work. I wasnt dreaming.

HUH?!?

I need to re-watch Dead Poet Society again tonight.

Sheesh!! To REVISE and understand Mr Keating's lesson again.

Really!!

What? You think i'm rewatching it because of those gorgeous boys, who are endowned with attractive intellectual brain, killer smiles, dazzling blue eyes, and of course... their cute and sexy cheekiness??

Come on...

*grinz*

That too.

Gawwdd!! I have millions other things to do and yet i'm engaging myself with this..this...this menial, insignificant activity of purely enterntainment. Sinful!!

I have a test this weekend, and i know i have to do better this time, as i pretty confident i screwed up the previous one. Total crap. If the lecturer gave me a 0, i totally understand it, as i sux. FULL STOP.

Now now..

Who wants to join me in Dead Person Society ?

humaira
fictionally... ALIVE tho'

She doesn't want to be touched

2006-04-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

Monday nights are Hospital nights. Kudos to Channel 5 Programming team for bringing us Grey's Anatomy and Scrubs BACK TO BACK. I lurrvee my nights.

I've fallen in love with a FICTIONAL doctor *Droolz* (Oh! Dr M, you still have a place in my heart *giggles*)

Enter Dr Preston Burke of Seattle Grace Hospital.

Dr P enters the room to visit his ex, Christina, gesturing to put his hands on her head, suddenly,

"She doesnt want to be touched", Christina's mom said.

I believe her. Coz Christina is a cold hard b#@$. Before the scene, she just cried buckets, not knowing why she cried (actually its understandable, coz she was dumped, she lost her fallopian tube, and a baby - a miscarriage) and she requested her doctor friends to sedate her. Gosh woman! We cry coz we' re hurt and that's normal lar~ But no... she has to uphold her ego. Oh well... that makes her interesting.. Niwei.. back to the story.

When Dr P heard the mother's warning, he undressed his coat (he was wearing a turtle neck inside and he looks hot in it), and.... guess guess....

he put HIMSELF beside Christina, on the hospital bed, cuddling her like a little child.

Christina kept quiet. And continued crying.

That....

earns its place in my list of most romantic scene (that has to come AFTER Pride and Prejudice Rainy scene tho. No scene can beat that yet)

i went "awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" for the next 10 seconds.

He's the MAN!

He's there... when she doesnt expect him.

And that's sweet.

Now...
he's fictional isnt he?

Humaira
~If i can be fictional too~

Pssst: His real name is Isiah Washington. And yeah... he's married to A wife, and 2 children (Bah!)

Organising Self

2006-04-03T00:03:00.000+08:00

Need to start some 'book keeping' system for my vcd collections. Dun mind me using this space. Its the only space accessible =D Tak hilang nyer, insyaAllah.

Scarlet Box

Madagascar -Cartoon
Dodgeball : A True Underdog Story -Comedy
Shutter -Horror
In Good Company -Comedy
Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone -Comedy
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy -Comedy
Finding Neverland (one cd missing) -Literature
Batman begins -Drama
Conderella Man -Literature
Crash -Drama
Shakespeare in Love -Literature
Children of Heaven -Drama
Chocolat -Literature
Kingdom of Heaven -Epic
The Matrix Literature
March of the Penguins -Drama-Documentary (French)
Harold & Kumar go to White Castle -Comedy
Million Dollar Baby -Drama
Hotel Rwanda History
Robots Cartoon

More later...

The Constant State of going Nowhere

2006-04-02T22:08:00.000+08:00

Dedicated to my muse: BIRKH

I got myself new lenses
not as dirty as the previous
i see greener grass...
blue-r skies...
redder apples...
i smile as i marvel at these wonders

No more blur no more confusion
No more feeling at the edge of depression

It's ok if i'm nowhere
as long as i have this new eye wear

Move on... if you wish to
i'll stay here, praying for you.
With these new lenses i wear,
i find meaning here i swear.

Do i?

Or do i wish to follow?
to avoid this hollow?
JUST to avoid this hollow??

As i think with these new lenses,
i know that time passes,
let it be let it be...

I like the green grass here,
the blue sky here,
the red apples here.

It's ok if I'm nowhere
as long as i have this new eye wear

Down Memory Lane...

2006-03-30T16:28:00.000+08:00

Went NUS just now to submit my brother's application form. Dropped by the new University Hall just beside my 'Home'. Every step on the stretch of Lower Kent Ridge Road brings many memories. Happy, Sad, Sweet...

I remember the walk with Ayah on that one night. I think he helped me loading some stuffs from my room to my new room back then. So, i accompanied him to 96 bus stop and we talked. The conversation was very intimate. Ayah... i felt i just got to know you =D There're soo many things you have yet to share with us about your younger days. I still remember the conversation. I even shared it with my friends! Gals, to trigger the memory, the keyword is 'Suriani Suratman' *giggles*

That stretch also witnessed my late night commitment after PBM meetings and my journey through the lonely and quiet curvey road. I had companies most of the time. With him. With brudder. With my guest. With Fidza. With my neighbour sometimes. With a stranger which became acquantance. We talked. We ran. We joked. We gossipped. We quarrelled. We sulked. We helped each others' load...

Unfortunately, that stretch seldom saw me in the morning.... i wonder why *grinZ*

Walking on it again.... it pains me.

Dun ask me.

I dunno the answer.

Hoping that.. there will be another stretch of road which i can share my late night walks with again.

To enjoy the moonlight and the serenity of the darkness.

To share our stories and dreams.

To look at each other... and feeling your energy is lifted up and you can walk another mile again... just to be beside each other.

*cuddles self and droolz*

Humaira
Looking forward to walk again

Dattebayo!

2006-03-25T14:14:00.000+08:00

Confession confession.

2.5 days leave was spent mugging (i do! really) AND.... watching Naruto (youtube RAWKSS!) 30 mins of reading while downloading naruto, another 30 mins watching naruto, and the cycle continues, until i completed the whole 173 episodes (i started watching from episode 113 so it was a total of 60 episodes over the last 3 days or so)

ACHIEVEMEEENNNNTTT!!! DATTEBAYOOO!!!!

Ok... Apa Ada Dengan Naruto?

A young male ninja (in his teen years) from the Konoha village. Sad and lonely childhood, but determined to make it big and aspire to be the Hokage of the village one fine day (Hokage is like a penghulu. To be a Hokage, one must be an EXCEPTIONAL ninja). The first 100 episodes are about Naruto's journey to assert his existance and ability among his comrades. He constantly want/force/irritate people to affirm that he's indeed a good ninja (in reality, he's clumsy like a toad) Its a story about strong determination and striving towards what one believes in. Its also a story about humans' needs to be accepted and affirmed of one's existance. And he's FARNEEE!! The Japanese animators are so talented in the illustrations!

A Ninja is a ninja when one holds on to one's words, determined to be better than yesterday, and strive to be the best in every situation. A ninja values camaraderie, understand each others' strength to maximise a strategy. That's the Way of a Ninja!

Some other side observations on Naruto:
1) the first 100 episodes were so innocent. No kissing scene, except for one incidental one (between Naruto and Sasuke -a handsome tragic hero in the story) However, after turns of event, the anime 'develop' by having more girls, big-breasted ladies and corny sex jokes - still very kiddy and innocent-like though) Sigh.. even innocent cartoons cant resist the power of sex in media.And oh! Look out for one of Naruto's ninjutsu (special transformation power): Turning self into a blonde beb! Very farneeee!!!! The effect of that power: Guys who look at the girl will bleed their nose! Muahahahahahahahaha

2) For an anime, it is super Drama-Mama!! In this case, Drama-Jap!! Takle angzztt.. especially the flashbacks. Normally i'll just fast forward. Cannot tahan!

3) New vocabulary! Akamaru: Red. Bagga: Shit. Stupid. Any bad word. Dattebayo: Lah. Meh. Ma. Chakra: Energy (i think).

4) The master villain in this story is very similar to Harry Potter. Orochimaru = Lord Voldermort. Some of the common characteristics are:
a) Feared by EVERYONE.
b) Has followers implanted everywhere.
c) Villain is sickly, awaiting someone to be the 'container' for his power. (In Naruto, the Harry is not him, but Sasuke)
d) Immortal as he has discovered the 'elixir of life'.. sort of.
e) His symbolic power... guess guess.... SNAKE! haha

173 episodes done, more to come. Now i'm on par with other Naruto fans! Wheeee~

Humaira-chan

We interrupt this programme with short interval

2006-03-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

I learnt a new word today.

S-A-H-M

Stay At Home Mom.

Not Housewife. Not Domestic Manager/Coordinator. Not ah-maaa.

A mother who stays at home (duh!)

I bloghopped and met some of our local, young SAHMs. Some of them are my seniors in NUS.
They quit their high flying jobs that seem to define who they were, so that they can be close to their babies. Noble isnt it?

I wonder if i can do that.....

IF I'm a SAHM, i'll make my house as a learning gym for my children. With books, toys, COLOURS everywhere! We'll play, we'll talk, we'll create stories... We can go to the park, the zoo, the swimming pool, everywhere and learn new things.

Hey, i can babysit your children too! =D

I'll create my own Tumble Tots programme. How bout that? ;)

Oh humaira... you're not even married!

No harm dreaming.

Back to reality.
Get back to Globalisation and Glocalisation assignment.

Yawnz.

Humaira
Aspiring SAHM

No 'Self-made' Man

2006-03-21T14:41:00.000+08:00

Dearest Kak Zakiah

Thank you so much for sparing your time to meet me and offer your most invaluable suggestions. My project would not have been possible without your ideas and input that you shared with me!

I am very happy to see how loved you are by the student volunteers. I hope that i would be able to garner the same amount of respect and adoration from my would-be students when i start my teaching heheh...

Love, Murshidah
20 March 2006

There is no such thing as a 'self-made' man. We are made up of thousands of others. Everyone who has ever done a kind of deed for us, or spoken one word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and of our thoughts, as well as our success - George Burton

The quote impacted my day.

Every single word, every single action... creates impact on others' lives.

Shidah... your kind words too.

Jazaakillah.

Humaira
khalifah-made

Sweet Angel of Mine

2006-03-15T15:03:00.000+08:00

Twinkle twinkle go her eyes
Sweetness carved in her beguiling smile
She sashays in her sweeping skirts
Her embroidered bags, her beaded shirts

She's mysterious, she's charming
A hit with the youth,
she's their darling

Lunch time is her nap time
A sacred solace
Her blogsite: a minefiled
It gives her peace

She will shine
I have faith
in my cherub
Sweet Zakiah

Penned by my angel.... kak Raihan

We played Angel Cherub game in the office last month.
Task: To consistently make your cherub's day.
Kak An... You have successfully cheer my days with that poem.

You're my BEST Angel.

Humaira
Twinkle twinkle little humaira

The World is FLAT. It IS! Because I SAID SO!

2006-03-06T21:26:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the world of total freedom. Where reality is relative. 'Haq' is individually defined.

Welcome to the earth that recognises human empowerment. TOTAL empowerment.

It is a period of LOST hope. Thanks to World War 1 and 2 which objectively showed how science failed us. Thanks to the United Nations who has failed to uphold the very reason they exist. The reality of today's world is.... NOW is my future. I owe my life to no one.

Ladies and gentlemen, i introduce you to

MR POST-MODERNISM

Mr Post-Modernism is a young boy. Quiet and intelligent boy who, one day, decided to rebel against his mother, Madam Modernity. Who doesnt? Madam Modernity promised the world to him. World peace, cure against deadly deseases, immortality! Well... Madam Modernity did the best she can. She invented some cure. She discovered e=mc2 along the way, thus giving birth to world's fatal destruction. Mr Post-Modernism grew up hoping and hoping... that things will get better. But.....

So one day he decided to stop hoping. He wanted to take things into his own stride. His sincere objective is simple: To lead a better life. So, he decided not to believe entirely in his mother's faith: Science. Thus, he accepted EVERYTHING, coz EVERYTHING is POTENTIALLY right. Kinda make sense, isnt it?

But, what happened when one does not hold on to a belief? What happened when individuals become too empowered to design their own set of values and beliefs and ideologies?

Mr Post Modernism does not believe in the institution of marriage. A family is built by a man, a woman, and child(ren), without that sacred vow. Why? Because its pragmatic according to him.

Mr Post Modernism believes in God. He also believes in other Gods... as he thinks that the other religion is potentially right too. In the end, he claims to be the believer of ALL religion.

Mr Post Modernism creates a world of limitless choices and power.

Are we ready for that world?
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Am i allowing a world of total chaos for my children. Imagine how confused my daughters and sons will be, living in time where there's no limit, no rules and no guidelines?

The solution is Simple.
However, it may not be easy.

Allah...
Please shower us with your rahmah.
Have mercy on us.
Have mercy on us.
Have mercy on us.

Humaira
Pre-Modern, Modernity, Post Modern. What's next? WHAT'S NEXT???

Enlightenment Part 2 i hope....

Pre-Destination

2006-03-05T13:15:00.000+08:00

"It may happen that you will hate a thing which is good for you,
and it may happen that you will love a thing which is evil for you.
God knows, and you know not" (2:216)

Self-Explanatory.

=D

Humaira
Just a girl who needs to rest

My Love Boat

2006-03-01T20:39:00.000+08:00

Welcome to Falcon Princess.

The cruise where Love to be rekindled.... Romance to be found... Lust is not sinful.
The cruise to a destination.... called Marital Bliss.

I was informed to be part of this event 3 - 4 weeks before D-Day. Part of me was telling, this is it. This is an opportunity for me to make up for the things i've done wrong. I was determined to doing this right.

I've always dreamt of a prom night anyway (never had it coz ... well.... we never heard of an all girls prom night do we?) And... its an opportunity to be NAUGHTY and CHEEKY. This is a DREAM project!

Stressful? U bet. I had fun nevertheless. It was a totally different experience. I did some hotel events, some camps, some workshops.... but never an on-the-ship- event. Lots of confirmations to be made prior to the event, stickiness to the time, rules rules and endless rules!

But....
Hey~ I'm a tad bit more wiser about... errrmmm... 'Asas-asas Mahligai Bahagia' teeeheeee *cheeky laugh*
It's more fun to think bout that *wink*Me and my ever so faithful Din. You rawk, man! Macam-macam Din belajar while volunteering eh? To be a Deejay lar, IT Expert lar, tukang betul2kan barang lah. Volunteering.... its all worth it, isnt it? =D

Have i told anyone how committed i am to the project that i even started to breathe a life of a professional wedding planner? I bought Wedding magazines, i liaised with wedding deco services... Gawd.. i even went to a wedding exhibition! Am so proud of the colour theme *hug self and smile*
Flowers flowers flowers Everywhere!! Wheeee~~~~

How would my wedding be? What would i like?
S.I.M.P.L.E

Riiittteee. You say.
As if. Someone else says.
Really? I say.

It would be nice to have a lavish reception... in a large ballroom with bright gold lighting from the chandeliers, dark heavy purple velvet flowing curtain decorating the room, round tables scattered all over the 2 segmented sides of the room, leaving the stretch of line in the middle for me and my prince charming to sashay into the new life together, with long candles on every table making the romantic experience inclusive for other couples as well. And light lavender chiffon flowing through the ceiling, potpuri spread all over it as if we're walking in a purple fresh-scented forest, and flowers... flowers everywhere... let it be tulips... dark blue roses... red roses... beautifying my perfect day... and small cute little children wearing cute white dresses throwing petals of white flowers allowing me n my prince to walk on only scented journey *i can continue but i need to get back to my original point*

The point is... let this be a dream. It would be perfect that way.
What matters most about having a perfect beginning is not the form of the road... but the ability to realise where the destination is. *Woah~ This will require another entry to discuss 'destination' issue*

~ I have yet to find a man who can share his destination with mine.
~ I have yet to find a man who has a destination in mind.
~ Do i have a clear destination in mind?

inna khalaqnal insa wal jinna illaa liya'buduun

InsyaAllah.......

These two... no... another one below.. so ... these 3 were my job. I had to manage them throughout the evening.. no.. the week! It has been fun! I miss sms-ing, emailing, msning some of them. Encik Zul (Nurul Aini's manager) especially. He's such a doll. Nurul is such a professional. It has been smooth working with her. Azmi~ he's the creative one. Gave good tips on music vis-a-vis event management. Rudy... his voice is simply heavenly.

Am impressed with the commitment and hardwork they put into making this event a success. Although they were engaged in such a short notice, they prepared and executed it wholeheartedly. I couldnt thank them enough!

To destress...

we took PIXiesss~!!!!

LURVE THEM ALL!!

Cheekiness RULEzzz!!

Yeah yeah.. i wore 'bulu-ated' dress. It looks medieval, that's wat attracted me. I had fun wearing it.

Behind from left: Abang Lan the Asam Masin supplier, Faj the 'better than Insyirah' facilitator *wink*, Kak Wani the project manager, Kak Raihan my Angel everyone's emotional saviour, Kak Noraini the petty cash saviour.
Front from left: Aya the newbie and Kama the first aider who forgot to read the instruction at the back of the sea sick pills box (that's soo hilarious)
Extreme front: Humaira the wedding planner cum programmer who flirted her way through and loving it! Woohooo!!

The day ended lepak-ing in my office with the beloved volunteer/babe/sahabah.

Tired. The night sleep was the best in the week.

Humaira....
saved by the 3 + 1 sea sick pills.

My Johari Window

2006-02-16T17:49:00.000+08:00

Arena

(known to self and others)

calm, caring, idealistic, quiet, warm

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

accepting, adaptable, bold, brave, cheerful, complex, confident, dependable, dignified, friendly, giving, happy, helpful, independent, intelligent, kind, knowledgable, nervous, organised, patient, reflective, religious, searching, sensible, sentimental, silly, trustworthy

Façade

(known only to self)

modest

Unknown

(known to nobody)

able, clever, energetic, extroverted, ingenious, introverted, logical, loving, mature, observant, powerful, proud, relaxed, responsive, self-assertive, self-conscious, shy, spontaneous, sympathetic, tense, wise, witty

All Percentages

able (0%) accepting (11%) adaptable (22%) bold (11%) brave (11%) calm (11%) caring (11%) cheerful (11%) clever (0%) complex (22%) confident (33%) dependable (22%) dignified (11%) energetic (0%) extroverted (0%) friendly (22%) giving (11%) happy (11%) helpful (11%) idealistic (11%) independent (33%) ingenious (0%) intelligent (22%) introverted (0%) kind (22%) knowledgable (33%) logical (0%) loving (0%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (11%) observant (0%) organised (44%) patient (11%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (11%) reflective (33%) relaxed (0%) religious (11%) responsive (0%) searching (33%) self-assertive (0%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (22%) sentimental (11%) shy (0%) silly (11%) spontaneous (0%) sympathetic (0%) tense (0%) trustworthy (11%) warm (22%) wise (0%) witty (0%)

Help me get to know myself better

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 16.2.2006, using data from 9 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view humaira's full data.

Haven't I appreciate enough?

2006-02-10T03:05:00.000+08:00

"Demi Masa... Sesungguhnya manusia berada dalam kerugian... kecuali mereka yang beriman, beramal soleh, dan berpesan-pesan pada yang haq, dan berpesan-pesan pada kesabaran"
-Al-Asr, Al-Furqan

For one to appreciate happiness, he is to experience sadness.

For one to appreciate time, she is to suffer from the LACK OF IT.

Haven't i complained about my murdered social life?
Haven't i complained about my never ending 'to-do' list?

As i've told you, i feel guilty complaining. I shant. Coz i chose this.

So i keep mum.

But my physical being is screaming. Unending cough. Headaches. 3 hours of sleep... daily.

And so i ask, am i fair?

And so i wonder, isnt this enough?

And so i say, let's see how long i can last.

A dear brother commented "How do you define social life? Havent you consider appreciating the life that is protecting and ensuring you to become a good Muslimah?"

InsyaAllah bro... insyaAllah...
As easy as breathing, i forgot the ni'mah of the air bestowed upon us.

Another assignment handed in.

Discuss the term "Fathu" and its application in the context of Islamic territorial expansion in the time of Khulafa Rasyidin.

The initial reaction when I read the term 'fathu', an immediate thought turns to its literal definition which means 'the opening', and consequently, relates my attention to the opening of Mecca during 8h. From the linguistic point of view, the word 'fathu' comes from a sound root; fa-ta-ha, which means to open, to introduce, to conquer or to grant victory or success (Hans Wehr).

However, the Qur’an and Sunnah’s definition of ‘Fathu’ suggest different connotation and historical context. As mentioned by ‘Abdullah b. Mas’ud and other companions, "You consider the conquering of Makkah to be the al-Fath (the victory), while to us, al-Fath, is the treaty conducted at the al-Hudaibiyyah”"(Ibn Katsir). Indeed, most mufassirun defined the surah al-Fathu as the surah of Victory.

This article aims to understand the term fathu by observing the context in which surah al-fath was revealed and briefly extracting the descriptions of fathu as characterized in surah al-Fath. Hopefully, the article also aims to examine the application of the described fathu in the context of Islamic territorial expansion in the time of Khulafa Rasyidin.

Surah al-Fath was revealed to Rasulullah s.a.w while he was on his way back to Medina from the trip to Mecca during the 6th year of Hijrah. In the surah, Allah complimented Rasulullah’s act of avoiding the battle with Mecca and resolving the situation with peaceful treaty. Allah also complimented upon those 1400 Muslims who pledged their allegiance towards the ad-deen during the Bai'atul Ridhwan. A promise of sakeenah, calmness and tranquility was blessed unto the pledged ones, and upon them, He rewarded them with a near victory.

The concept of victory as described in the Qur'an is not of the opening or expanding a territory to create a state or a nation for Islam, as per my initial perception on the opening of Mecca. Rather, it is the opening of the Tauhidic state of mind and soul that is more rewarded, and the conviction of da'wah and the determination to fight to spread the beauty of the Message.

The focus of expanding the Islamic territory during the period of the rightly-guided caliphates turned to the two great empires; the Roman and Persian. During the time of Khalifah Umar, the area of conquests is said to have spread over 22.5 hundred thousand square miles. The Muslim victories over these super powers were attributed to their bravery which was encouraged by faith. Despite the established power of the empires, it cannot be matched against the principles of governance that the Qur’an and the Prophetic examples taught to the Muslims.

However, the trend of territorial expansion purely based on tauhidic objective begun to decline as the period of the first half of the Khulafa’ Rasyidin ended. As more conquests took place, more wealth and worldly comfort began to infiltrate the community’s lifestyle. As a result of this, the tauhidic characteristic in military spirit as described in the Qur’an decreased. Territorial power strongly emerged and hence, opening doors to old tribal rivalries and feuds.

The territorial expansion is not merely about opening the cities to the Islamic jurisdiction, but also the opening of the hearts towards the one-ness of Allah. In fact, this Tauhidic mission is the ultimate motivation and power that accompanies the Muslims during the expeditions and battles during the initial territorial expansion during Abu Bakr and Umar’s reign. Sadly, this motivation lessens as the motivation for worldly power and wealth took place towards the end of the period of Khulafa Rasyidin.

Allah a'lam.

Do we need an Islamic state like the self-confessed Kelantan?
With all due respect to individual opinions... i believe, what we need is the fathul qalb wal fikr.
We dun need a physical Islamic state.

We need to cultivate the Islamic state of mind, heart and soul.
Naturally, the Islamic state WILL exist everywhere.

humaira...
havent i appreciate enuff?
Never....

The First Assignment

2006-01-12T04:00:00.000+08:00

Finally... after nights of readings and figuring the introduciton of the article, i've completed my History 1010 assignment.

I looked at the Jahili community in a different light now. They were not stupid. They were not cavemen. In fact, they were quite modern in their economic and political system.

Or rather, today's community is modelling the Jahili economic and political system? Interesting....

'Ala kulli hal...
Islam came in at the right time. It is a saviour to the human civilisation, and it's applicable in today's context. Timeless...

Allahu Akbar.

Enjoy reading my theories =p
Its not wholesome. Still amateurish.

Nevertheless, let's embrace "balligh 'anni walau aayah"

Discuss the distinctive characteristics of the Quraisy in Makkah during the Jahiliyyah period.

Towards the end of 5th century A.D, Qusayy; Quraisy's first leader, had settled in the Meccan valley beside Kaabah. He managed to take control of Mecca and expel Bani Khuza'ah which was the reigning power who failed their sacred trust to guard the house of Allah. Since then, the Quraisy had successfully managed and protected the sacred city of Mecca and its holy Kaabah which was visited by Arabs all over the peninsula. Ideally situated at the crossroads of the two major trade routes of Arabia; the Hijaz Road which ran along the eastern coast of the Red Sea and linked the Yemen with Syria, Palestine and the Transjordan, and the Najd Road which linked the Yemen with the Iraq, the Quraisy engaged themselves in trading and stock breeding business, thus creating the city into the centre of commercial trade. The Quraisy was a powerful tribe in Arabia, and therefore, shaped their distinctive characteristics or abilities such as intelligence in trading, shrewdness in commerce, and great hospitality to guests. This paper aims to only discuss THREE traits of the Quraisy which writer thinks are distinctive as opposed to other Arabs in other cities in Arabia.

As mentioned, the Quraisy was blessed with abundance of wealth due to its geographical situation as well as the existance of the sacred house in the city. Mecca was the centre of trade and worship, attracting millions of visitors. The coming of people offered wealth and noble status to the Quraisy in Mecca. Commerce and trades opportunities allowed the Quraisy to exercise their intelligence and ability in business management such that by the end of the 6th century A.D, they had gained control of most of the trade from Yemen to Syria. In fact, their capability to strategise the caravan system to ensure effectiveness and safety travelling for trading purposes was commended in the Qur’an in a surah named after the qawm itself.

Instead of sharing their wealth equally according to the old tribal ethic, individuals were building up personal fortunes. Their new prosperity had severed their links with traditional values and many of the less successful Quraisy felt obscurely disoriented and lost. They believed that money and material goods could save them and they wanted as many of these things as they could get. This new individualistic and capitalist society challenged the traditional ethic and belief of muruwwah, which holds the ideology of dedicating chilvalrous duties of protecting the weaker members in the community. "Each man for his own" ideology started to creep in, and ensuring the survival of own's family and new social status is of more paramount importance than ensuring the tribe's survival. Quraisy had shown its distinct development into an individualistic and capitalist society which was unlike other Arabs in other cities who were still upholding the traditional concept of muruwwah.

The Quraisy's noble status in the eyes of the Arab world may have also formed a rough and arrogant front. The community was confortable enough with the status given unto them that a slight change may pose as a huge threat to their social structure. This image was clearly illustrated by Rasulullah’s family members during his early years of prophethood. Anger and spite were shown to the prophet, even by his uncles and aunts. One example is Abu Lahab’s wife who made effort to make Rasulullah's (PBUH) journey to the suq (marketplace) a torny and dangerous path. The image was clearly different of the Arabs in Medina who welcomed Rasulullah and his new teachings graciously with open arms. Yet again, the characteristic of arrogance is another distinct trait which the Quraisy exclusively possessed.

Another distinct characteristic of the Quraisy which deserve mentioning in this humble article is that, these groups of people were mentioned several times in the holy Qur'an, describing its situation before prophethood period (refer surah 48 verse 96, surah 33 verse 33, surah 5 verse 50, surah 3 verse 54 and of couse surah Quraisy) It is apparent that Allah has given special interest and mention about this community which are lessons worth learning by today's ummah.

While some scholars and historians may have described the Jahiliyah period as the age of ignorance, the writer begs to differ. As highlighted in this paper, the Quraisy in Mecca was not ignorant. They were not illiterate, and not all of them were incapable of intellectual wisdom. In fact, due to its strategic geographical location for trades and the sanctuary of the holy Kaabah, these factors gave them the opportunity to be distinctively advanced and modern in their political structure, as well as economic achievement as compared to their Arab counterparts in other cities. However, in their material progressiveness, their hearts became hollow, yearning for spiritual provisions and rationale. Islam was first received by the Arabs of Mecca in an atmosphere of cut-throat capitalism and high finance. Moral values were confused of, and spritual restlessness surfaced. Fortunately, the coming of Islam, the religion of Allah, sheds light and positivism to these characteristics and meanings to their existence and success.

Eid Mubarak

2006-01-10T16:54:00.000+08:00

Semoga 'eid adha ini membawa keazaman kepada kita untuk meningkatkan keimanan seperti Ibraheem, menjana keikhlasan seperti Ismaeel dan mencetuskan benih cinta dan kasih sayang seperti Siti Hajar.

Humaira-san and that Japanese Affair

2006-01-03T10:35:00.000+08:00

Finally... a day dedicated for my sister. Not that she commands it. I just wanna spend time, chill out with her before she grows older.

Alhamdulillah, coincidentally, my elder cuzzins called for a dinner with my other 2 younger cuzzins. What a bliss. So we met at Far East Plaza for Jap Food!! Kewlness! Please make your way to Sushi 10, the first halal sushi outlet in Singapore. Now, we can say goodbye to Sakae Sushi! Haha!

I said goodbye to my virgin ear. Yerp! I poked it for the sake of beauty and narcissism. It hurts though. I wonder how you guys can deal with a poke-d nose. OUUUCCCHHHHH!!!!

Talking bout girls' thang, we had a 100% all-girl nite. A time when being bimbo is not judged, instead, celebrated!

So, having Japanese again some time soon?

I cant wait.

The 6 cuzzins pose with our Yummy Dishes. Yours Truly, Kak Ina, Wajie, Aishah, Kak Mas and Aini.

Try the Chef recommended Spicy Salmon Miso. FUN FUN FUN~

Humaira....
Miso-fied!

Humaira and the Flower Day

2006-01-03T10:32:00.000+08:00

The start of the year was spent with my girl friends, to celebrate a friend's graduation from being a girl to a WIFE.

Nan and Zan, congratulations and all the best voyaging the new phase together. I'm not an expert, but, from my observation, marriage is a strife. A jihad with its own challenges and merit. Persevere. And continually fight FOR each other. May Allah shower His blessings unto you.

Friends, the wedding made me realise...
My appreciation towards the bond that we've established is beyond words.
Maslow talks about how a person needs to be accepted and belonged to in order to achieve self-fulfilment. You have helped me satisfy this need. I thank you.

Indeed, who says family must be purely blood related?

Good friends deserve to be part of the Ohana.

Yes ma. It'll be my pleasure to be your bridesmaid. If you allow, that is.
InsyaAllah... =D

Humaira....
blessed with friends who constantly feed her with Good Messages. Thus, creating a Good person Humaira, insyaAllah

Humaira and that Last stretch in 2005

2005-12-31T22:12:00.000+08:00

The last event of the year. A celebration that closes 2005. Yes, i was anxious. Scared that it wont go according to plan. Yes. It was rushed.

The outcome: Grooovy bebeh!! Thanks to the wonderful job by the Committee.. And of course, my dearest volunteers. Gawd! I adore them!

Harry Potter colour with Retro words. Woohooo!! I liiikkkkeeee!!!

Me and da gurls!

Me and the volunteers.
From left, Fawzey the groovy MC, Din the sound genius, Hazeeq the serenading hunk, Shidah the dearest, yours truly and Atiq.... the super girl!

I'm surrounded by the Youths of the Nation!

Excellent work bros and sis!

I feel the need to record this so as to keep it in memory.
The process of organising this event has been wonderful. Surrounded by supportive adek2, friends who are empathetic towards the changed humaira, i feel blessed and encouraged.

The nite before the event was spent @ Mr Teh Tarik till the wee hours. Singing along to the Hindustan songs (although i dun understand, its fun watching the others making fool of themselves, haha!~) The aftermath of the event was also spent lepaking and ventilating to each other.

Guys, you made my 2005 rawks! Thanks!

Humaira....
Affectionately known as Kak, Kak Zak, 'Z'
... loved... loving... loves...

Nice Mosque Toilet Award

2005-12-29T10:29:00.000+08:00

~ Humaira and That Simple Solution~

2005-12-29T00:42:00.000+08:00

It was mentioned.

The solution for the problem of the world is simple.

Simple does not mean easy.

Make sense.

Why?

It was mentioned.

The solution for today's problem is Islam.

Getting Islam to be the solution is not easy.

Make sense?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Having high internal locus of control is stressful.
Internal locus of control means.. u attribute success, and failure to yourself.
At this moment, i'm attributing the negative outcomes to myself.
Hard.
Hard.
Hard.

I really need to memorise that ayat.

Surah Al-Baqarah, verse 286.

On no soul doth God place a burden greater than it can bear. It gets every good that it earns, and it suffers every ill that it earns.

"Our Lord! Condemn us not if we forget or fall into error"

"Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden like that which Thou didst lay on those before us"

"Our Lord! Lay not on us a burden greater than we have strength to bear"

Blot out our sins, and grant us forgiveness. Have mercy on us. Thou art out Protector; help us against those who stand against Faith"

I can't complain as i've chosen this path.
I can't complain as i've chosen the load.

I just wish.........

i can be stronger.

humaira... with monkeys on her shoulder.

Note to self: Nan's gonna kill me if she reads this entry; my excruciating, unexplainable stomach cramp returns. Stopped having those cramps ever since i left school. Now returns! Uwaaa~! Cant be psychosmatic, non?

Word gallery: Psychosomatic
Psychological stress which impacts physical/biological functioning
Example: Pri 1 kid doesnt like to go to school -- going to school may cause him stressed psychologically. Kid may present symptoms such as having fever every time to go to school. Real high fever occurs (which means biological change), everytime stressful situation occurs. Maknanya, biler time biasa2, dia tak demam. Tiap kali nak gi sekolah ajer dia demam.

Interesting yar?

How our psychological being connected to our physical being.

The Systems Theory Activates

2005-12-21T20:44:00.000+08:00

Another day at work and i can feel the engine is still warming up. While waiting for it to heat up, i bloghopped, reading others' blogs in my contacts and my contacts' contacts. Interesting how your immediate circle of friends influence your thoughts and fikrah.

I am indeed, humbled by the reviews and observations expressed by my sahabahs, on life and its challenges.

While i am trapped with psychological and sociological theories and explanations on everyday functioning, they reminded me of the simple solution to these challenges. Allah. Indeed.

While i am trapped with worries on my youths, my sahabahs worry on bigger issues pertaining our faith.

A takeaway from my bloghopping readings:
m: actually ramai sebenarnye dalam dunia ni
m: yang selalu kite nampak dye gembira
m: cam tak pernah sedeh
m: tapi sape yg tade msalah rite?
m: cume cara kite menghadapi masalah membezakan kite dgn yg lain
m: the best is to refer to God
(Ref: http://www.jenggo.blogspot.com/, 211205)

Even the way we refer to God.... differs.
Irregardless of ways, He knows.

Humaira... assured

Pssst: Adek adek, thank you so much for the respect and trust you've awarded me. Your challenges are indeed great, and I congratulate you for your undying effort to aspire change. Remember Him. It beats puffing your troubles away =D

Bachelorette Party #1

2005-12-21T19:26:00.000+08:00

The Bachelorette party was fine my dearest. Although i cudnt join the whole party, watching the whole action on video cracked me up! Niweiz... enjoy some of the pics.

Azma... (KAHKAH), enjoy your BMWs.

Hmm.. Why bachelorette party #1? Coz there's gonna be MORE to come in the coming year!! Stay tune gerls. Get the curlers ready!!!

Humaira
*Bachelorette
Pronunciation: 'bach-l&r&aite, 'ba-ch&aite-
Function: noun
an unmarried woman

Handy wandy

2005-12-19T19:33:00.000+08:00

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

The results of your analysis say:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody!
You are self-confident and like to bring attention to yourself.

Home... at last

2005-12-19T19:25:00.000+08:00

The whole madness has ended.

If i am to define limit, this is it. The limit to my multi-tasking capability.

The whole week was spent sleepless, carrying bags full of worries and guilt and angst and more worries. Dreams were diagnosed with virusses of darkness and again... worry.

To those who made efforts to calm and soothe me, i thank you.

To those who made efforts to make things worse for me, i thank you.

To those who had fun while i slog my butt off, i implore you to eat soil (heh... please dun. I still need you to remind me what life shud be)

All in all... the week cudnt and shudnt have been longer. Else, i'll just die.

I get to know myself better though...
The bad AND the good.

I get tired of being tired. I get tired of being worried. I get tired easily.
When i'm tired... what do i do?
I smile.

The week forced me to reflect what does success mean to me?
How do i measure success?

Success is when my youth comes to me and tells me she wants to put up 'tudong'.
Success is when my youth invites his friend to solat when he heard azan.
Success is when my youth comes to me and says he feels assured and cared for when he talks to me.

Now...
how do you measure those?

Humaira
Home... a place i call my own; safe, happening, colourful.

pssst: by the way, my degree has started. I'm officially an International Islamic University (UIA) student. Henceforth, i hereby declare.. the death of my social life.

All rise for a minute silence.

------------------------------------------------------

Humaira... social murdered.

Gambar Lapok

2005-12-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

Millions tasks

2005-12-05T19:10:00.000+08:00

Having a big dose of Brit over the weekend to de-stress. The week was horrendous. I'm not even talking about it here.

This is gonna be short and sweet, as i have millions tasks in my to-do list.

Dear....

it was asked

"How are you supposed to measure time with a man that you want to spend the rest of your life with? What would make sense? Centuries?"

Imagine getting over them?

It is hard.

It is painful.

It is tormenting.

Believe me.

Dear.... I'm sorry if i've not been the best-est of friends. Unlike you, who came to me right after a phone call.

Dear.... forgive me for my inability to perform my duty as your sahabah....

Dear.... stay strong.... You'll get over this.

humaira
*determined to get over all these madness and back to LIFE*

Do We?

2005-11-28T20:48:00.000+08:00

YOU LEARN (Alanis Morissette)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Ooh, ooh, ooh...

I, recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah
I, recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah

Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)
It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)
Wait until the dust settles

1-You live you learn, you love you learn
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn

I, recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
I certainly do
I, recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time
Feel free

Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)
Hold it up (to the rays)
You wait and see when the smoke clears
(repeat 1)

I, I, oh, oh

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)
Melt it down (you're gonna have to eventually, anyway)
The fire trucks are coming up around the bend
(rpt 1)

You grieve you learn, you choke you learn
You laugh you learn, you choose you learn
You pray you learn, you ask you learn
You live you learn

21 Things I Want in a Lover?? =P

2005-11-28T20:36:00.000+08:00

Watch Video:

21 THINGS I WANT IN A LOVER (Alanis Morissette)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
Do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
Do you have a big intellectual capacity but know
That it alone does not equate wisdom?
Do you see everything as an illusion?
But enjoy it even though you are not of it?
Are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
And don't believe in capital punishment?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

Do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that
Loving someone can actually feel like freedom? are you funny?
la self-deprecating? like adventure? and have many formed opinions?

These are 21 things that I want in a lover
Not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
These are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover

I'm in no hurry I could wait forever
I'm in no rush cuz I like being solo
There are no worries and certainly no pressure in the meantime
I'll live like there's no tomorrow

Are you uninhibited in bed? more than three times a week?
Up for being experimental? are you athletic?
Are you thriving in a job that helps your brother? are you not addicted?
...curious and communicative...

It's Ok ~~ A song for a BAD day

2005-11-28T20:08:00.000+08:00

Watch Video:

LITHIUM (Nirvana)

Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Lithium --------- by Nirvana

I'm so happy cause today
I found my friends
They're in my head
I'm so ugly but that's ok
Cause so are you
We broke our mirrors
Sunday morning is everyday
For all I care
And I'm not scared
Light my candles in a daze
Cause I found God
hey, hey, hey
I'm so lonely but that's ok
I shaved my head
And I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame
For all I've heard
But I'm not sure
I'm so excited I can't wait
To meet you there
But I don't care
I'm so horny but that's ok
My will is good
hey, hey, hey
[[ I like it - I'm not gonna crack
I miss you - I'm not gonna crack
I love you - I'm not gonna crack
I'd kill you - I'm not gonna crack ]] x2

I, too, had an interesting weekend =P

2005-11-22T01:25:00.000+08:00

Everyone seems to be talking about their weekend.

Oh~

My interesting thoughts i had last weekend!

Interesting Thought #1: Traveling.

My family has a knack for it.

My Cik Mi travels excessively. It becomes second nature to her as she works in Saudi. She worked in Brunei before. Her next travel destination is Russia.

Cik Ya travels too. Just came back from Umrah, her destinations include China, Turkey, Syria, Lebanon (and the loong list goes on).

Kak Mas too (and her husband, abang Herman) travel. They just came back from Turkey. Their honeymoon destinations include Japan, Germany and South Africa.

I'm deeply envious of them.

I know my family. They come from humble background. Just like the average you and me (actually, i consider myself below middle class) But, how can they afford the luxuries????

The weekend family gathering taught me some values in life:
- Identitfy what's important in life and pursue it.
- Be smart (especially with your $$)
- If you wanna travel, get a group tour. Its actually cheaper.
- The experience is far more valueable than the souvenirs bought from each country
- Make new friends while you travel. Be adventurous. The World is your playground.
- Better start moving further from just KL!!!

I'm deeply inspired.

Humaira shouts: I wanna see the World too. But first, lemme see some $$ in my bank account. Heh!

Interesting Thought #2: Migrating

I never knew migrating is an encouraged idea in my family. I thought it would be very difficult for any family to let their loved ones to be away from them. But, the very fact that my family has accepted my aunt to work in Saudi, i should have known their receptiveness towards migrating.

I've thought about it. And... the idea is always very inviting.

Isn't it nice to be able to start afresh? To be given an opportunity to start your life on a piece of clean paper/cloth?

Cik Mi: Migrate jer Nur... Bagus.. timba pengalaman. Creates different perspective in you.
Kak Ina: A ah Cik Mi. Ina pon kalau boleh nak migrate jugak. Stress lar tinggal kat Singapore nih!
Cik Mi: Haa.. Bagus! Then u must work for it lar.
Humaira: (silent) I would migrate. But I'm a Social Worker. My profession roots me to the land.
Cik Mi: Apa pulak? Cik Mi jumpa banyak Social Workers who made it big in the international scene. You just have to further your studies. Work hard so that people create opportunity for you. Its possible.
Humaira: (Hmmm.. very inspired.. but...) Memang betul. Given a chance, i wud pursue that. Tapi Cik Mi.. kalau semorang kluar.. semorang migrate.. saper nak kisah pasal our community in Singapore? What's gonna happen to the ummah here? Hmmm.. Let me stay here and do that work. A lot of work to be done on our community ajer.
Cik Yah: Hmmm... point noted.

I dunno whether i'm being foolish and stupid, or naive and ambitious. I would WANT to achieve those big dreams, but i also know.. i'm NEEDed here, now, doing what i'm doing.

Allah a'lam.
Show me the right path. Puh-leaaazzzeee....

Humaira
Serious entries make my head spin.

The Entry Which Humaira is Talking to Self

2005-11-20T22:33:00.000+08:00

I've decided.

Yerp. I did.

I'm gonna take up the challenge.

I'm gonna dedicate 4 more years to do it. Yerp. Another B.A, insyaAllah.

This time, it is to fulfil my mom's hope and aspirations.

This time, it is to pursue my interest and desire.

Allah... please guide me through.

A difficult decision, it is, as i'm aware that some ni'mah may have to go.
Those late nights and weeknights to hang out. Those classes with my cute DACC students.
All those will have to go.....
For the pursuit of knowledge....
To get to know You better....

BUT!

4 years is loooooong.
Can i persevere?
Will i?
Shall i?

And it'll be local!
Isnt it the same?
I wanna see different grass.
Different trees...
Different sky...

Allah.. guide me in my decision.
Show me clear lines between my necessity and desires.

Humaira
Praying hard to feel the seed of sakeenah in her decision

~One of the Most Cleverest ;) ~

2005-11-15T23:28:00.000+08:00

I cant stand 2 types of people; proud and rude.

Next to terrorists, these people rank the second in the most dangerous people list. They should be annihilated from the face of the earth, and all of them can just eat soil!

I'm working hard on a divorce case. Thus i'm introduced to the legal culture.. which include the drivers of the law.. lawyers.

Initially.. yeah.. i was impressed by the confidence and aura that they haf. They intimidate, very sure of what they're saying and of coz.. authoritative. Which can be good for clients AND their social workers. Their lack of empathy in their communication and making it 'legal'... blew me away.

***wait wait. I've been using the word 'they' while its actually just ONE lawyer. I shall stick to 'they' as it preserves neutrality. So continue...***

So, here i am.. a newbie (actually not so new... but i consider 1-year in the profession still new ar), lost in the new culture, trying to understand new jargons.

I'm supposed to help my client fulfill some checklist. The checklist indicated 'statement...'

My understanding of statement is.. u fill in a form, u sign, and voila! That can be a statement already. What exactly does this lawyer want?

Naturally, i called the office. The assistant picked up. I asked her the question. The person didnt give satisfying answer. So i asked again. And the assisstant asked the lawyer.

Irritated, the lawyer took the phone and kinda scolded me saying heshe was busy and heshe couldnt understand why i cant understand a simple term.

HAAALLLLOOOO!!! You brag about your 14 years of handling these type of legal cases. For 14 years, you should know that not everyone is a lawyer dammit. For 14 years, you should know who should do the stupid affidavit! Just because this case is aided by the legal bureau and you're not gaining profit from it, doesnt mean you can shove your tasks for me to do!!!

Sheeshhh!!!

And what makes you think that you're busy that you cannot answer my questions politely? As a PROFESSIONAL who has been in the line for 14 years, using busy-ness as an excuse to be rude supposed to command respect? You command my loathe.

Yes, i reacted emotionally. It totally spoilt my momentum with my client.

Because I feel insulted and I feel stupid by your comments. And that make me sad. I know you can handle this matter in a different and less insulting way. Two different professionals working together require respect. And i dun get that.

Being a typical social worker, i need to end this with ermm.. a positive and 'lessons-learnt' mode.

My client and i bond closer ties fighting our emotional pain with this god-sent-to-test-our-patience person. We shall go through the process together, developing better trust with one another, insyaAllah.

I hope from this experience, i become stronger when facing buggers like these. Heh.. no lar~ actually.. i hope i become more knowledgable in matters pertaining professionalism. At least now i know the attitudes that i cant accept. I am determined not to be the very person i loathe.

Another good thing about the incident was; i realise that MSN is a CRUCIAL support system in my work. Just after the horrendous phone conversation, i straight away type to anyone whom i first click the cursor on and blurted out wad happened. Someone responded very well to my crisis. Thank you for saying the sweetest thing :: "Zakiah... you are one of the most cleverest and smartest friends i have in my contact list":: It made me cry, and smile.... Thank you.

Humaira
One of the MOST cleverest and smartest

Good Mental Health anyone?

2005-11-15T16:44:00.000+08:00

An article from AmericanValues.org

Interesting how they perceive marriage vis-a-vis these factors...

About Men

* Married men earn between 10 and 40 percent more than single men with similar education and job histories.
* Married people, especially married men, have longer life expectancies than otherwise similar singles.
* Marriage increases the likelihood fathers will have good relationships with children. Sixty-five percent of young adults whose parents divorced had poor relationships with their fathers (compared to 29% from non-divorced families).

About Women

* Divorce and unmarried childbearing significantly increases poverty rates of both mothers and children. Between one-fifth and one-third of divorcing women end up in poverty as a result of divorce.
* Married mothers have lower rates of depression than single or cohabiting mothers.
* Married women appear to have a lower risk of domestic violence than cohabiting or dating women. Even after controlling for race, age, and education, people who live together are still three times more likely to report violent arguments than married people.

About Society

* Adults who live together but do not marry—cohabitors—are more similar to singles than to married couples in terms of physical health and disability, emotional well-being and mental health, as well as assets and earnings. Their children more closely resemble the children of single people than the children of married people.
* Marriage appears to reduce the risk that children and adults will be either perpetrators or victims of crime. Single and divorced women are four to five
times more likely to be victims of violent crime in any given year than married women. Boys raised in single-parent homes are about twice as likely (and boys raised in stepfamilies three times as likely) to have committed a crime that leads to incarceration by the time they reach their early thirties, even after controlling for factors such as race, mother's education, neighborhood quality and cognitive ability.

The authors conclude with three fundamental conclusions:

1. Marriage is an important social good, associated with an impressively broad array of positive outcomes for children and adults alike.
2. Marriage is an important public good, associated with a range of economic, health, educational, and safety benefits that help local, state, and federal governments serve the common good.
3. The benefits of marriage extend to poor and minority communities, despite the fact that marriage is particularly fragile in these communities.

So people...
get yourselves married!!!!

Yours truly...
humaira

~lalalalala~

2005-11-13T18:10:00.000+08:00

Your Musical Tastes Match: Jennifer Garner

See her whole playlist here (iTunes required)

What Celebrity Matches Your Taste in Music?

The Taib Clan Part 1

2005-11-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

Irdina.. my little niece. She's round, aint she?

A super manja girl, she luvs EVERYBODY who holds her. She'll keep quiet... hold on tight to you like a little Koala... Wad more can one expect from a baby? =D

Tired little one... Hey!! Its just 1pm on the first Syawal!!

Aini so happee!! Going Sri Lanka gerl? All the best yar!

Cheeky Little Hafiz. The Clan's youngest grandchild.

Ini lar anak dara anak dara Ya-e Taib. Kalau dah jumper.. macam2 bebual!

Aisyah... Brudder's student.

Introducing... SOME of the Taib clan (Cik Cit's and Pak Wa's family not in the pic)

From left: Kak Ina (getting married next year), kak Liana (the baby's mommy), kak Mas (behind her is her hubby abang Hirman), Wak Mahmud and his first granddaughter DIANa, behind him is abang Zaki. Next, Mak Wa and her 2nd granddaughter irDINA, behind her is my brader A-mat Zarir, beside him is my daddy. Sitting infront of him is my mommy, den my aunt Cik Mi (working in Riyad at the moment), yours truly, and my sis. Not in the picture is the baby's father, my cousin abang A-Mat Sabri.

;)

~Another Beautiful Day~

Smyc Pictures

2005-11-09T09:41:00.000+08:00

Uploaded some SMYC pictures.
Yes.. its LOOONG overdue... but... hey. Better late than never they say. Late because, my photo n video team had to consolidate over 3000 pictures taken. For the benefit of my personal memory and appreciation, i'm just gonna d/l my fav moments/pictures.

Enjoy~

The Umbrella people. We RAWK!!

I actually miss the rehearsals, the endless practices and bickerings of the members. Oh~ Aina's scoldings too "Aiyaa... not like that lar!Can you guys be serious or not. Don't kick too hard. Be lady liiiiikkkeeee... Be suwaaaaaarve. suwaaaarve. You know what i mean? (Actually she meant suave)" and etc etc.

Learning modern dance, ladies? It beats those gym workout regime! =D

SMYC!! Awoookkk~~~~
(Awok means 'Ok' in Sarawak language. Taught by our dear Awang)

(Left) Ailing Darling.. my partner in crime.
As camp's Official photographers, we did a damn good job aint we? =D

(Right) Miss Huda a.k.a Miss National Leader..With Moggie sesat kat belakang tuh

This is my favourite moment @ Ubin. As a Watch, we were tasked to build a raft and test it on real water. So.. we were listening to the instruction...

...and strategising... and figuring out how to tie the complicated knots...

Now this is our completed Raft...

Sui Sen RAWKS!!
Talking about Sui Sen, it took me 2 days @ OBS to realise how FAMILIAR the name is. NUS mates, you remember Bizad Hon Sui Sen library?? The most terperuk lib but super comfy (before the newly renovated Arts library lar). The library was only relevant when we do our Human Resource Management module (muahahaha)

Niwei.. back to rafting...

Getting ready to test our baby in the real world....

Ready...

READY....
(Haha!! The lop-sided raft on the extreme left is my watch's. Something gone wrong during the design stage. We survived... barely...) =D

ATTAAAAACCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Right) The Kayakers

(Left) Visited by Bro Shahid..... (Right) THE INSTRUCTORSSSSSS!!!

BBQ @ Nacli and Cultural Nite @ (i cant remember the place)... I'm the modern Japanese Muslimah with half kimono and denim skirt and tudung. Rojak betol

Pics pics pics

Smile smile smile

Sabbie the 'Serial' prawn

Urashima ~Xa Quay Ah~ Haruka

2005-11-07T17:20:00.000+08:00

Simply knowing you are there gives others a sense of security and continuity. You are a woman of few words and much wisdom, and the capacity to see beyond the surface that others are distracted by. However, you tend to find distractions for yourself to keep you from thinking about the bad times in your life. Try to solve your problems as soon as you can, so you can live life in genuine happiness. Which Love Hina Girl Are You?

A Family Life Cycles

2005-11-06T15:25:00.000+08:00

Eid Mubarak to Muslims all over the world.

The preparation to celebrate the day wasnt much. I was too sad to leave the blessed month of Ramadhan. Nevertheless, the day came with renewed relationships and love between human beings. I'm happy.

It's normal for my family to visit my eldest maternal aunt during the first day of Raya because
(1) She's the eldest aunt (duh)
(2) She cooks GOOOOOOOODDDDD SINFUL food
(3) Meeting point for all married cousins and unmarried ones
(4) Photo-taking session

Yerp. We did all those, ALL.

Met my second and youngest (thus far) niece, Irdina. She's 5 month old and sooo round!! Hehe.. and so manja. She refused to sleep unless someone cuddles her to bed. So, i hugged and 'serenaded' her to sleep. The feeling was good. Humaira says Hello motherly instinct! =D

My family is growing larger.. both physically and in numbers. I'm appreciative as i've always wanted to have a large family. More people to talk to, to visit, and to care for. As the new ones are born... the older ones are beginning to take a back seat. One person who has changed the most, is my eldest aunt.

She was a SUPERB cook. I can force myself to eat her delicious satay or fried lontong even when i'm full to the brim. This year, nature is taking a toll on her. As another aunt mentioned, she has over-used the tools endowned by God, and its asking to take a break. Indeed. One thing i can assure my aunt is, she has utilised her God's gift tool to the fullest.

My heart breaks seeing her putting in effort to walk. She ages so fast.

In my heart, i remember her as the supermom to 4 wonderful cousins of mine. She has brought them up with her never-ending patience and graceful silence as tools for disciplining.

She was a supermom to me too. Taking care of me when i was in pre-school years, while my mom works.

My aunt.... the indicator of change in our family life cycle.

Humaira
Renewed Self in Family

Falling Helplessly in Love

2005-10-27T08:22:00.000+08:00

"And hold fast, all together, by the rope which God (stretches out for you), and be not divided among yourselves, and remember with gratitude God's favour on you; for ye were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace, ye became brethren; and ye were on the brink of the pit of Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus doth God make His Signs clear to you; that ye may be guided"

~Ali Imran;103~

Wonderful date.

Spending time with You in solitude.

Peace. Serene. Calm.

Entertained by melodious tunes of Your Words.

Dark.

Slightly lighted.

Its ok, my Love.

The moon is enough.

For me to recite Your Love Letter.

Touch me with Your Grace.

Hold me with Your Bless.

Kiss me with Your Mercy.

For I... am falling helplessly in Love....

Humaira
Counting every beat.

Pssst: Dear, did you just mention about living on a thin red line?

Thank you for Teaching me Life

2005-10-26T01:49:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the last 10 nights of Ramadhan. Am feeling all stressed out trying frantically to finish my tilawah reading. Even my physical being is showing signs of exhaustion. Let's pray Allah gives us strength to move on...

I had 'somewhat-feels-like-the-last conversation' with Brudder. It was sweet of him to make sure i'm not angry with the decision he made about not telling me of his engagement. I was angry... a bit... but... he make it up with the conversation. I'm not that petty after all...

Brudder...
Its true... i changed first. Letting u go, and allowing you to back off...Ever since i met Faizal (haf i told u that i regret that?)
Its true... i expect changes to happen... starting now....
Its true... i'm kinda sad... coz things will never be the same...
Its true... i'm also very happy for you....

Brudder...
Thanks for remembering the little promises you made (indeed you're a man of ur words)
Thanks for making me 'suffer' with the little bets u made (just so to make your points)
Thanks for the semester of madness, drama and new ventures (i'll never forget those memories)
Thanks for being sharp, yet subtle when pointing out my weaknesses (that's how i learn, n i begin to respect you)

No...
I have never seen you in any other way
No...
I have never regard you as any other

I may not miss the moments we shared in school, but i always hug it close to my heart. Those were memories worth remembering.. Like you said..remember or cherish not only of the fun part, but also the lessons learnt throughout the journey.

Bro, this entry is a tribute to your contribution to a person's life during your singlehood.

Thank you for teaching me Life.

Your student,
Your lil sis.

Humaira

Pssst: Oh yeah... i wont haf nightmares of your werds "Saper lah i ni... dah lah kurus, hitam, tak hensem, gedebak gedebuk... gerl maneeer lah nak i? Camner sis? Sis, u carikan i ar..."
Pheeeuuuhhh... i definitely wont miss that! =D

SMYC.... AWOOOOKKK!!!

2005-09-25T21:25:00.000+08:00

(SMYC...OK!)

It is a rainy Sunday, and here I am, sitting comfortably at a Mcdonalds, eating my dinner while trying to write about a camp I went 3 months ago.

I stopped typing for 10 minutes. Staring blankly at the screen of my lappie.

There are so many things to share, so many stories to tell. Where do I start?

Suddenly, I heard that familiar msn buzz.

It's Leong, a friend I met during the 10^th Singapore – Malaysia Youth camp. How timely!

leong says:

long time no c

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

hello

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

yalor...

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

been bz

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

how r u?

leong says:

how r u there?

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

i'm fine..

leong says:

fine

leong says:

just start work

leong says:

oh........

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

supposed to write about smyc now... dunno wat to write

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

wah!!

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

heyy!!

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

good for u!! About the work I mean... :D

leong says:

why u r writing about smyc?

leong says:

u all need 2 do a report for smyc?

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

not report...

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

an article

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

for magazine or filing I suppose

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

wad do you think shud i write about?

leong says:

emm...................

leong says:

good experience loh

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

Thats a lot! wad specific good experience?

leong says:

like having a good friend like me lah

leong says:

hahah

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

hehe

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

awwwwwwwwwwwww.................

leong says:

after so long we still keep in touch

humaira..Live @ Shaw Towers McDonalds says:

true true

leong says:

although we hv to get back 2 our working life liao

Leong is right. This is something worth writing about.

3 months after our first meet, we still keep in contact, although we're miles apart and have gotten back to our mundane everyday chores.

3 months ago, we met for the first time at Nacli, for the 10^th Singapore-Malaysia Youth camp, annually organised as one of the efforts to foster good relations between the two nations via its’ youths. For the past decade and more, 40 Singaporean and another 40 Malaysian youth leaders have been selected to participate in this noble programme.

For working youths like Leong and I, and some other youths from both countries, those 10 days were a great escape from work and deadlines. Our days were indulged with good food (i.e cereal prawns), exciting games, interesting places to go to, and the most importantly, excellent companies.

We remember the screaming and making Kallang waveS on the Hippo Bus ride in the middle of Orchard Road, the seemingly endless dance rehearsal for the ceremony with the Ministers, the merciless mosquito bites at Pulau Ubin, the quarry warfare on our very own rafts, the late night show with Awang who tells us stories about his funny kampung to city adjustments, and many many other snippets and little experience that we treasure and share with others when we talk about the camp.

At the end of the camp, we gained 79 new friends who acknowledge our existence, and care for our well-being. Now that we’re back at our own countries, work and schools, we constantly keep track of each others' lives (well.. most of us). Leong has gotten a job, Lena’s elder brother is getting married at end of the year and some of the Singaporean delegates are coupled up after the camp.

It is easy to make friends, but it takes a whole lot more effort to sustain a friendship. The above-mentioned shared experience help bind us all together.

This article is written to celebrate these momories. To remind us of the good times we shared, and the great friendship we shall have till the end of time.

To end, enjoy the Pahang folk song as shared by one of our friends.

Kalau ada sumur di ladang

Boleh lah hamba menumpang mandi

Kalau ada umur yang panjang

Boleh lah hamba berjumpa lagi…..

Direct translation:

If there's a well on your field

Allow me to use it to bathe

If there's time in the future

Hopefully we can meet again….

Humaira..... dancing to the tune

Aren't We All Hypocrites??

2005-09-04T20:29:00.000+08:00

*Under Construction*

Angered.. but time and busy-ness dun permit expression

Will be up this week!

Humaira

...I don't wanna be a grown up like the grown-ups I have seen...

2005-08-29T17:02:00.000+08:00

A day stone-ing at work.

Listening to my Dawud's CD....

Enjoy!

The blue sky is blue like blue bubble gum,
but it prays to Allah, it prays to Allah,
and like the flavour of the blue sky and the bubble gum won't last,
so we've got to thank Allah before our chances go past.

I don't wanna be a grown-up like the grown-ups I have seen,
`cause the grown-ups I have seen don’t seem to have much fun.
They don't get down on the floor enough to pray or play with toys,
when I'm a grown-up, I won't want to be one

Now, if I lived back at the time of the Prophet
I know that he would be different, I just know he'd find the time and
I would make him something, special like some paper planes or something,
I could race those planes with him or get a camel back ride.

The blue sky is blue like blue bubble gum
but it prays to Allah, it prays to Allah,
and like the flavour of the blue sky and the bubble gum won't last,
so we've got to thank Allah before our chances go past.

I'd like to write a promise, I want you to make it too,
that if I misbehave a little, like I sometimes do,
you won't get really mad and you'll be patient like the prophet.
I really love my promise. How about you?

The blue sky is blue like blue bubble gum
but it prays to Allah, it prays to Allah
and like the flavour of the blue sky and the bubble gum won't last,
so we've got to thank Allah before our chances go past.

To be a Mommy or a Daddy must be really, really hard,
so let's take a break together, cause I know how much you try.
Let's have a dish of applesauce, then tumble in the yard
and we can pray and we can play along with the blue sky.

The blue sky is blue like blue bubble gum
but it prays to Allah, it prays to Allah
and like the flavour of the blue sky and the bubble gum won't last,
so we've got to thank Allah before our chances go past.

Written by a 4-year old, and arranged by the singer Dawud Wharnsby Ali

http://www.simplyislam.com/iteminfo.asp?item=50477

A reminder to myself.... to enjoy being an idealist. To enjoy life. To cherish it!

Rasulullah had his fun too.. if i can remember fondly from the histroy books i've read on The Prophet's life, he was the favourite uncle of the children in the town. He would play with them, joke with them, educate them with compassion and love.

A role model indeed....

************************************************************

Its time to say goodbye to my cute Level 1 students. I received an email notice, informing the teacher restructuring. I'm teaching Level 5 kids.

Why teach, humaira?

Don't you have enough? How much da'wah effort you want to put your hands into?

I'm learning to manage those comments.

I'm not doing this for the community per se.

I'm doing this for myself.

To remind me... that, every youth that i meet in my line of work... there's hope.

Give some time. Give more love. Give more patience.

More prayers. More conviction. More compassion.

InsyaAllah.

They'll be okay.

We learnt something close to heart in Level 1.
We learnt about giving.
We learnt from Dawud's song; Give A Little

Enjoy! =D

Give a little of yourself.
Cure your greed, purify your wealth.
Look around at where you live,
look at all the good you have to give.
Give a little of yourself.

There is a hand somewhere to hold, a mouth to feed.
There's so much that we can do for so many who are in need.
Give our time, give our wealth,
give our love, give ourselves
knowing we can change the world with every deed.

Give a little of yourself.
Cure your greed, purify your wealth.
Look around at where you live,
look at all the good you have to give.
Give a little of yourself.

Take a look at all the people everywhere
who give with open hands and hearts that do what's fair.
Can you see the blessings fall
on believers one and all
who take the time to give, and know it's right to care?

Give a little of yourself.
Cure your greed, purify your wealth.
Look around at where you live,
look at all the good you have to give
Give a little of yourself.

Humaira... all smiles.
Thank you my little brothers n sisters.

BodyShop-ping

2005-08-26T11:16:00.000+08:00

'Never doubt that a group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world, indeed its the only thing ever does' - Body Shop

A newly converted, I'm a satisfied BodyShop customer. Well-intentioned strong community involvement (i feel nice buying as i know where the money goes to), great customized service, products from natural ingredients ... i'm in haven!!! Using it tanpa was was!

A new day starts with my journey to the toilet... i mean... my own Amazonian jungle. Surrounded by trees and fruits and exotic plants. Fresh. Rejuvenating.

The feel of Papaya essence on the skin leaves the tingling sweet smelling.. lifting up that sour mood in the morning. The torny texture of the Alovera plant fools me. The essence so mild and soft enough to cleanse my face un-burnt. Ah... How can i forget the honey! (Thanks Mr Bee) The flow of the rich and sweet fluid onto my crown.. leaving silky and shiny presence... it looks ever more invaluable. A treasure!

The Amazonian experience continues into my straw hut. My own personal abode. Buttering my skin with mango for a softer touch and delicious sensation. Oh! I have a musk plant grown at my backyard. Dab some onto my Jane costume, and voila...

i'm ready for the day @ the urban jungle.

Humaira.....Amazon Lady

Against Animal Testing
Support Community Trade
Defend Human Rights
Activate Self-Esteem
Protect Our Planet

The Silent Battle

2005-08-23T16:02:00.000+08:00

Ever heard of the power of silence?

Its deafening.

Used that for my session yesterday.

There was me. Against the youth. Looking at each other. Daring the other to start talking.

I lost.

She was GOOD.

Or... she was tough.

She has mastered the skill to mute herself and shut herself from all the nags and accusations from THE ADULTS.

I refuse to be THE ADULT.

I let her off.

Asked if she has eaten.

Hoping to look into her welfare.

Then she opened her mouth, and said, "I'll tell you tomorrow"

*Thanks for saying that my dear. Thanks for saying*

You made me realise there's still hope.

Its time to stop talking.

2005-06-10T12:44:00.000+08:00

Conversation with Brudder has always been enlightening.

Today's lesson:

Fight or Flight

"It is not the coward who runs away but the ungrateful challenger who thought he is strong without realising his life has been spared by the 'coward'"

"I flight, and i think of ways to fight. Then i make the move" brudder said.

Make sense.

I reflected what i've done yesterday. i FLIGHT. Before i'm hurt.

I was protective of my feelings and values and dignity. Hence, my utmost honesty. It was difficult and painful. But i did it nevertheless.

I was surprised at myself.

I was remorseful... for a while. Until my conversation with Brudder.

You're smart. Be careful. Protect yourself.

Cuz, no one will.

Ja~~~ Come back soon! Missing u!!!

Humaira... smitten, but not a victim.
And she's taking the road less travelled... "feeling lonely though =D"

2005-05-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

The week humaira was inspired.....

Inspiration #1 - Tuesday, 24 May 2005

The book Tuesdays with Morrie was bought to commemorate her 23rd year on earth.

I'm getting older, might as well aspire to be wiser.

She thought.

And so, she read, to learn about death, and the beauty of life.

She learnt about growing old. About the beauty of age.

"Aging is not just decay. It's growth. It's more than just the negative that you're going to die, it's also the positive that you understood you're going to die, and that you live a better life because of it" Morrie said.

Hmmm... now, humaira doesnt need to hide her age =D
She's proud of the years she'd spent on earth.
She yearns to grow older. To see life. To embrace it. To cherish it.
She appreciates death.
Prepared? Not yet!
Trying to..? Yes =D

"I look back sometimes at the person i was before I rediscovered my old professor. I want to talk to that person. I want to tell him what to look out for, what mistakes to avoid. I want to tell him to be more open, to ignore the lure of advertised values, to pay attention when your loved ones are speaking, as if it were the last time you might hear them"
~Mitch Albom

Humaira wondered.

Lesson 1~If she can tell the 22-year-old Humaira what to look out for and what mistakes to avoid, life may be easier now. But hey, that's cheating. "Stand up from where i fell!" She said. "And move on!!" She screamed.

She's moving on all right.

Eh! Moving to???

Lesson 2~ LISTEN

That's when she had her third inspiration.

Inspiration #2 - Wednesday, 25 May 2005

Today... Humaira witnessed the fruits of her labour.

All the weeks of carving and shaping... playing games and processing messages...

Disclosing how disappointed and hurtful she was when her instructions were not heard...

Humaira felt like a teacher.

But, consciously telling herself, she should not.

That's the last thing the students need - to have another person shouting down their necks and telling them what to do.

She n her partner felt noble returning the power of decision-making to the students.

They were given the freedom to choose whether they want to stay in the circle.

That, alhamdulillah, broke the barrier between US and THEM.

Thanks guys for your appreciation.

The affirmation motivates Humaira to strive better for her next quest.

Thanks for the wonderful experience.

You kids, i pray for your well-being. Stay safe and trouble-free yar?

Set your goal and strive to achieve it!

Hmmm... What's HER goal and what should SHE achieve??

Humaira reflects... and reflects... and reflects...

blank

Inspiration #3 - Thursday, 26 May 2005

She continued reflecting.

She was given the OPPORTUNITY today... to voice it out.

She verbalised about being confused. Unsure. Puzzled.

Yeah yeah... having goals are important. But what kind?

Goals haf to be strategic. She thought. She wanted hers to be beneficial not only to her, but to the community as well.

How?

She talked about her experience at work. How she felt alone and drowning and depressed and she knows her ego is attacked countless of times.

What should she do?? Give her tips!!

The answer.

She has a good tool to be a good muslim (she was surprised by the answer)

Muhasabah.
Meta-analysis.
Superior state of thinking.

MasyaAllah. She thanked Allah for the affirmation.
Thanks sis for looking BEYOND me.

Manage her ego she must do. As ego is related closely with eeman.
Imagine when one stops listening.
Wonder how many errors can she make and not knowing that she's committing them?

Listen my dear.
Accept.
Be humble.

Humaira was touched.
Her soul was touched.
Her heart was touched.
Her mind was touched.

Just by the simple answer.
Ask Allah.

Her inspiration was concluded with surah al-Hadeed, verse 27 - 29

"Subsequent to them, we sent our messengers. We sent Jesus the son of Mary, and we gave him the Injeel, and we placed in the hearts of his followers kindness and mercy. But they invented hermitism which we never decreed for them. All we asked them to do was to uphold the commandments approved by GOD. But they did not uphold the messages as they should have. Consequently, we gave those who believed among them their recompense, while many of them were wicked.

O you who believe, you shall reverence GOD and believe in His messenger. He will then grant you double the reward from His mercy, endow you with light to guide you, and forgive you. GOD is Forgiver, Most Merciful.

Thus, the followers of previous scripture should know that they have not monopolized GOD's mercy and grace, and that all grace is in GOD's hand. He bestows it upon whomever He wills. GOD is Possessor of Infinite Grace.

~Alhadeed, 27-29

Humaira...... inspired, and smiling

2005-05-23T23:56:00.000+08:00

The fountain... I'm in ROME!!

2005-05-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

The other 2